What The World Needs Now...

Love Me Do

2012-02-15T06:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's so overwhelmingly commericialised and syrupy and forced. Yes, people shouldn't need one special day in the year to tell their better half how much they care. Yes, it gives restaurants a good excuse to unnecessarily ramp up their prices for what is often a no better, no worse 'special' meal.

But stripping away all of that, any occasion in our calendar that gets people to at least think and act a bit more positively towards another individual is a good thing.

Happy Belated Valentines Day.

Like A Prayer

2012-02-08T04:48:00.000-08:00

At work the other morning I walked past a woman sitting at her desk with her eyes closed. I was a bit curious but just went on my way. A little later, I was doing another lap around the office on the way to the water cooler and there she was again, this time steely-eyed staring at her computer screen.

Curiosity got the better of me and I just had to ask about what I saw earlier. She had been praying. I guess I kind of assumed that might have been the case or possibly meditating. She didn't look like a sleeper to me, anyway. Still, it did get me thinking about stopping, focusing and aligning when the time is right for you - morethan just at the beginning or end of the day. Yeah, I like the idea of taking time out on my terms.

The Winner Takes It All

2012-01-29T03:11:00.000-08:00

Djokovic. Nadal. Brilliant. Just watching the Australian Open Final got me wishing I'd paid a little more attention in my tennis lessons. Could I have been a contender? No, not a chance. There's no way in hell that my dainty sliced backhand would have got anywhere near the kind of standard these very special athletes have achieved.

Still, there are times I do wonder how good I could have got (or could still get) in certain endeavours - football, darts, tiddly winks and so on. World class? Probably not. But in a way it's probably not the point. It's about beating the competition - and, for me, that "competition" equates to an earlier version of myself. I'll never be the next Nadal or Djokovic but I can be the next version of me - better than last week's version.

Start!

2012-01-05T01:56:00.000-08:00

Life is not a spectator sport. Fact.

I started 2012 in a bit of a funk. A very good Christmas was followed by a great little warm winter break, only to be then followed by that unpleasant kicker of day one back at work. Unlike those that are all guns blazing with New Year's resolutions and targets for the year, I normally am a bit of a slow starter. Dark clouds and hibernation tend to be more my thing for early January.

Today, however, I decided to take control. Yes, the year starts now. Over the years I've collected books, articles and insights from inspiring luminaries such as Steven Covey, Tony Robbins, Robert Kiyosaki, Jim Rohn, the Barefoot Doctor, Eckhart Tolle and so on. And I've attended so many different types of courses as well - a bit of personal development here, a little spirituality there. Full of goodness. I realised, though, that I've become a bit of a collector - a gatherer of great ideas and outlooks on life, but not actually using them in any coherent or disciplined fashion. Finding balance in the "mind, body, spirit" story is clearly an area of interest for me and I can certainly talk the talk. But I don't walk the walk enough. Yes, in fits and starts, and probably more than the average Joe, but still not enough for what I want to represent. It's great having the pull of awareness but I'll get more value, in my opinion, from the push of initiative. And for this to happen I've got to swallow a bit of manly pride and allow myself to make more mistakes and accept that I don't always have to be right. Scary.

So today I've been trawling through the books, the articles, the insights, noting down some of the key messages and "best bits". It was time to synthesize as it was all getting a bit cluttered. I'm looking for a mix-and-match masterplan that works for me - stuff that I can take into the real world, pushing me forward for this year and beyond rather than just residing in my head. We all go into this New Year's resolution gig with the best intentions. There's no one size fits all and there are no guarantees. We may well fail because of having fuzzy, too many or unrealistic goals, or simply poor planning. It happens. I've got to consider that. But if I do mess up, I don't want it to be because I didn't give it a darn good go. Watch this space.

Step Into Christmas

2011-12-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are again. The season of excess and fun and family. Maybe not for everyone but for those of us that were brought up under a certain cultural bias and calendar.

As Christmas ends and the New Year approaches, it's almost impossible not to think ahead in some way. So much hope and expectation, even if we have all been here before.

Sometimes I wonder whether we have our eye on the wrong prize. When looking at where we are in life we all tend to look up rather than down. We look at things that are missing, that we'd like to have, that we'd like to get done. Yes, it’s important to aspire but looking down can, for want of a better phrase or metaphor, also keep us grounded. There are so, so many people in this world of ours that have far less and could only dream of what we already have in our worlds. Yep, good old fashioned perspective for this time of year.

But at the same time I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with looking for a better life. So push on. And come 31 December 2012, what kind of regrets will we be harbouring then? A few hits and a few misses? The thing is what I'm experiencing at this moment is the result of choices and decisions I made in the past; what I'll experience in the future depends on choices and decisions I make now. I can't get all preachy because I'm just as guilty as the next man for that extra double cheeseburger and lack of focus, but deep down we know what we should be doing even if it's so much cosier to take the path of least resistance and all that.

So enjoy the festive season and may all your dreams for 2012 come true - thanks in part to what you're doing towards them now.

Running Up That Hill

2011-12-15T16:18:00.000-08:00

Balance. Where are you? I mentioned in my last blog how busy things are getting in my world. Of late, the part-time Masters course has been getting a lot of attention from me. The trouble is, of course, some areas of my existence have been sidelined - I have barely been to the gym or kung fu (admittedly, that's more down to a sore toe though), the blog has been 'resting', I've made less time for friends, and I've barely registered that fast-approaching event called Christmas. I realise some of it is temporary but often what starts out as a short-term distraction can turn into a longer-term concern about the balance of life.

Thankfully, once my mid-term exam is out of the way this weekend I'll be able to reconnect a few of the dots. But it has made me think again about the importance of maintaining discipline and balance. It's not as if we can create more than the 24 hours in a day we're all blessed with so I have to work smarter with what I've been given. In the same way that you can 'leak' money without having a clue as to how it's left your wallet, so too can time be frittered away without any value being added. So it's time for a bit more awareness and to get that routine back on track. Game on!

What A Fool Believes

2011-11-21T21:47:00.001-08:00

Those nice people at Inner Space threw up an interesting comment into my inbox:

What is the meaning of life?
Why are we here? What's it all about?

Do you try to make sense of it all by trying to understand connections between events and experiences?

Maybe the meaning is to be found in our perception - as each one of us has our own unique way of seeing and understanding things.

Or maybe it's what we do with our life that ultimately determines the meaning of life.

We could go on ad infinitum searching for answers, getting confused, frustrated or simply debating this forever. Wars have been fought over less. From a purely personal perspective, I find some value in seeing life's meaning as what I can bring to the party rather than purely what the party can bring to me.

That's just part of my belief system and that's just me. You don't have to have this view at all - but I do think it's worth having a view, any view, on it all. If nothing else, it'll help give life some context.

Call Me

2011-11-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

Some years back I took a phone call out of the blue from a friend. I say out of the blue as basically she had never phoned me before (or since for that matter). We’d never been overly close but we drifted in the same circles, sent the occasional text, and used Facebook and emails as favoured communications of choice.

Anyway, she started our chat by saying she was a bit bored so had decided to phone me ("thanks!", I guess). Unbeknown to me she actually had a bit of an interest in me beyond just friendship - she admitted as much at a much later date, around the time her married, two kids, different country status was well established. In hindsight this interest might have been behind some of the line of questioning she used that night:

"So what do you do in your spare time?"

I paused and had a think. "Well, I like socialising."

Her response: "Don't we all? What else?"

Me: "Ermm, I go to the gym."

Her: "Loads of people we know do that. What else?"

I paused again. At that moment in time I couldn't think of anything beyond the banalities of watching TV, going to the cinema and being in the office. I had been playing football socially but that was becoming quite sporadic. I had little of substance. She, meanwhile, had a few months earlier headed to Florida just to go waterskiing for two weeks, had been on a few interesting hikes in various countries, had got involved in a charity and was in the midst of a complete career change. I had nothing as exotic to throw into the mix.

I doubt whether she would ever remember the conversation but I still recall it some 4 or 5 years on. Maybe not all at once but that one chat did spur me on to have a look at things, to try a few new ideas, to have something to say when the proverbial "What have you been up to?" question comes along. That conversation has often come back to me when inertia has taken hold or when I slip back into the humdrum and am not adding value to myself or anyone else. In some ways it was a call to action - or, to use an insight from Stephen Covey in his "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", when you look back on life from your deathbed are you going to wish that you'd spent more time in the office or more time watching TV? I don't think so.

These days I've got a few more things to throw into the mix. If she rang today I could now now say that I've been doing kung fu for the last 3 years, have a side-line life coaching business up and running (albeit extremely inactive), am currently doing an 8-week theatre-based voice and public speaking training course, have just started a part-time Masters course, and when it takes my fancy I have this blog to write.

It's amazing how much impact some conversations can have on other people's lives without you even knowing.

Always On My Mind

2011-10-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

I've been dabbling with meditation over the years. I say 'dabbling' because I've tried out all sorts of weird and wonderful versions - led and unled meditations, some focused on the breath, others based on a mantra or an external sound. Running water, a candle, with your eyes shut or your eyes open. The lot.

Like many things in life, there are many ways to skin the proverbial cat and as far as I can tell it's not a one size fits all kind of thing. We all have our biases and preferences and some styles will suit individuals more than others.

I recently attended a seminar hosted by The Potential Project, an organisation aimed at providing the right tools for emotional, mental and physiological balance. It was another spin on the use of meditation in life but it's given me another one to try out. I'm a believer that it works - it's just taking a bit of time to fine-tune what works for me.

Connected

2011-10-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

There are so many metaphors used for dealing with life. Some reflect engaging with nature (swimming upstream or going with the flow), living in the world of sport (in the 9th innings or injury time) or even music (the fat lady singing and all that). But in this networked world that we now live in it seems apt that there should be one that relates to technology. Below is one I fell upon the other day:

"Just as the Ctrl-Alt-Del keys are used to interrupt the operation of a malfunctioning program on your computer, sometimes, we too, need to interrupt our mind by exercising Ctrl-Alt-Del.

Ctrl (Control): Take control of your life, take 100% responsibility and clearly understand what you want.

Alt (Alternate): Look for alternatives to get different results. See things with a different perspective.

Del (Delete): Delete all negativity in your life including attitudes and habits that are not working for you."

Quite an interesting way of putting it, I'd say.

Get A Job

2011-10-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

A lot of fine words have been written about the late Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple. A visionary? Very possibly. Someone that has changed the way we live? He could well be viewed in that way, although sometimes you only get a true sense of a person's achievements when the world has moved on a few generations and historians have some true context to assess an individual's work.

One thing I would say, though, is the the famous Stanford graduation speech he did back in 2005 is always worth a read. A friend sent a transcript to me about a year ago, and it gave me such a lift on that specific day that I've kept on file to refer to in those dark days. No doubt it’s doing the rounds on social media as we speak but in case you haven’t seen it, it’s well worth a read or a listen. And I'm certain it's message will last a lot longer than my current iPhone.

Born To Run

2011-10-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of time thinking about goals. Refining them, expanding them, creating them, redefining them, getting frustrated with them, embracing them. And so the game goes on.

After all, in order to get to where we want to be in life isn't it important to know exactly what we are shooting for? I say "kind of yes, kind of no" - this is purely from my perspective and this is purely from my perspective right "now". Ask me next week and I may by talking entirely differently...

When it comes down to making the perfect boiled egg, tying a bow tie, learning the best kung fu moves "ever" and playing winning chess, then I'm you're man. The "how to" world of being more efficient and more productive is something I'm getting quite adept at, with special thanks to Youtube, Videojug and all their friends.

But then I've had a few moments of, "So what?" - it's nice to be able to do certain things a little bit better today than yesterday but, in the bigger scheme of things, does it really mean anything? Is it aligned with what I want to stand for and what my life is meant to represent? A lot of the time I'd have to say, "No way, Jose!"

You see, I get the sense that I've been going a bit too micro on certain individual skills and talents while losing touch with a bigger sense of my purposes and passions. 'Doing' and 'Being' aren't the same thing. Just because you don't have a detailed plan in life doesn't mean you can't live fully and be fulfilled. But for those who don't have such a plan and do happen to be fulfilled I think it's far more likely to be because they are aligned with a sense of why they were put on this earth, what they were "born to do". I've known a few 'muddlers' in my time who, when I look back in hindsight, I now realise have always had an inner compass that steered them and all their efforts in a direction they were destined for. For me, it's time to keep asking the right and big enough questions in order to get to the right and big enough answers.

I'm not going to be throwing out Videojug anytime soon (and it's amazing what you can do with an eggplant these days) but a little more listening on the inside is the order of the day rather than reacting to the outside. And I'll try not to be as fixated on the destination and more interested with the glorious direction.

Happy Birthday

2011-09-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Birthdays are funny things. They are the one day in the year that you are the centre of the universe, or at least that's how it used to feel. There are the gifts and the well-wishers. There are the celebratory dinners or parties arranged in your honour. It's all about you. And then it's gone and the baton moves on. But for that one day, everyone is thinking about you, wishing the best possible things for you. Well, at least when you're young. Then it really did feel like you were special and were the centre of attention. We even had a fake cake at primary school specially rolled out to celebrate birthdays, with all your classmates surrounding you and belting out 'Happy Birthday To You'. Yes, you felt it was all about you. But as you get older birthdays seem to take on new roles. You benchmark yourself - I should be married, with child, promoted, climbing the Eiger, by now. You start to see your mortality - I'll be retiring in X amount of years, "Haven't my nephew and nieces grown?", "The President is only how old?", "When I was 20 I could....". You fall further down the list of other people's priorities - "Don't worry about it. I know you're busy with the kids/work/your business/your own life."But as you get older it's also easy to forget that it is still something worthy of celebrating, even if there's no one around you to tell you as much. You've seen life move on another whole year, and whatever the trials and tribulations you've experienced during the previous 12 months, you're still here to tell the tale. You're still in the game. So as I add another notch to my number, I realise all this thinking about what could have been, what I should have done, where I should be in life etc is all pointless and draining. Birthdays should all be about celebrating what's there to celebrate. Life as we know it. And that's what I'm going to do.

911

2011-09-11T02:27:00.000-07:00

So here we are. September 11th. More than just another date. As we hit the ten-year anniversary of that fateful day, so much has been written about the events - the victims, the perpetrators, the families left behind, the survivors, the bravery, the 'war on terror', the Holy War, the Big Apple, the Homeland security, the conspiracy theories, the rebuilding of Ground Zero, the rebuilding of lives, the world we now live in. A lot.And future generations will have a lot more to say about the day, whether they view it as showing that everything has changed or whether this just reflects part of our evolution and, fundamentally, everything has actually stayed the same. The one thing that continues to resonate for me is how we are all interconnected. 9 / 11 is one of those events that we can all relate to on the human level, whatever your religious or political leanings and however you choose to recall that day. Most people I know seem to recall where they were and what they were doing when events unfolded - this generation's JFK moment that binds us all. But it's also a marquee example of the fragility of life. Yes, these types of events are extraordinarily rare but any one of us could have been on one of the planes, near the Pentagon or in and around the Towers. We could have been working for one of the emergency services on that day, we could have been doing a tourist tour or could have simply popped out for a packet of cigarettes nearby. Or if not us directly, someone that we are close to could have been. And for "9 / 11" you can also read London, Bali, Madrid and Mumbai, to name but a few other similar incidences of human tragedy. We can all relate. Something that was there to divide us, has united us.Lessons have been and should continue to be learned about that day in September and other corresponding events. But let's not forget the lives of those no longer with us - the innocent victims of this whole big mess. And for those of us still here it's still our duty to make the most of the living, loving and learning all around us while we still have the opportunity.

We Are Family

2011-09-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Life. You get up in the morning, brush your teeth, go to work, come back home, go to bed. So it goes on. Doing a bit of this and doing a bit of that. And through no real fault of your own a year passes you by. Life can be like that. On occasion, you make things happen, but more often than not things just happen to you. And in the process of time whizzing by it’s easy to lose track of "things"; things of substance. And in my case that includes our family spread across three different continents. But this summer, thanks to a little bit of planning, a fistful of air miles and a readiness for jetlag I managed to catch up with virtually all of my immediate family – one mother, two sisters, a brother and 5 out of 6 of the nephews and nieces. Quite a challenge. Social media can be a wonderful thing in terms of staying in touch but it's still only a poor relative to the real thing. It was great - talking to a very chatty teen nephew and niece about the world, no longer espousing their vows of silence; attending my niece's pre-school ballet class; listening as my nephew spoke with conviction about religion and his career situation; talking to my siblings and mother about our respective lives; introducing my partner to my sister and her family for the first time.It's good to reconnect with parts of your existence that matter as it's too easy to get caught up in every distraction under the sun.Hopefully it will happen again sooner rather than later.

Cabaret

2011-09-02T04:25:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of years I've continued to get my daily dose of 'Thought For The Day' from those lovely people at Inner Space (http://www.innerspace.org.uk/). While I was rummaging through some old emails today, I fell upon one of them. It so beautifully captures how, in our own individual way, we choose to engage in this game called life:

"Some people are working backstage, some playing in the orchestra, others are onstage singing. Some are in the audience as critics, others are there to applaud. Do you know who and where you are?"

London Calling

2011-08-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, time to get topical. With a spin. I remember years ago thinking going to the gym on a Friday evening was odd. For weirdos with no friends. Same thing for the cinema - going alone was for losers. I was convinced. Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with either. In fact I quite enjoy doing both these days. But back in the day I did tend to see things through a narrow perspective of how life should be lived. What was right. What was acceptable. I'd like to think that I've now grown beyond some of those limiting viewpoints.

And so, in a very round about way, to my tuppence about the civil unrest in London and elsewhere in the UK (or in the words of one looted store owner: "they weren't rioting, they were shopping"). Clearly there are bigger debates to be had behind the causes of it all - "Broken Britain", disillusionment with the job market, Generation X-Factor needing quick gratification etc etc. But as far as I can tell the unrest isn't the second coming of the Jasmine Revolution.

I don't have the answers and many, many learned people have come out with some pretty decent insights on it all. I can relate to the frustrations of some individuals involved - as soon as I could escape the housing estate I grew up on in South London, and the negative karma that comes with it, I did. Many I knew didn't. And people often march/protest/represent a viewpoint for a decent cause. But at the end of the day, we all have to live on this big old rock together and I do think that the perpetrators in this case are falling short on respect and perspective. Maybe that's the way they relate to and engage with the world. Somehow, somewhere we've got to broaden everyone's perspective on the world - 'everyone' doesn't just mean the "vandals, thiefs and troublemakers". We can't just be in a space of disrepect and opportunism vs. victims and recrimination. We have to be bigger and better than that. I have no answers - I'm just hoping for more awareness all around.

Anyway, that's my bit of idle waffle on the subject and that's all you'll get on it from me....

Do It Again

2011-08-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

I've had one of those weekends where I fell off the wagon, proverbally speaking. In recent months I have fine-tuned a daily routine that involves a bit of meditation, active engagement in specific life areas (e.g. reading a little bit on personal finance or doing some form of exercise/body conditioning, however small). Basically, discplining myself to do specific things each day. And I can genuinely say that I've seen improvements in certain parts of my life, such as applying myself at work.

However, this weekend saw my 'little and often' daily acts of progress go totally to the wall. I blame Friday's pool party. Actually, it was my visit to the gym on Thursday night ahead of the following day's event. Now, I'm not proud to say it but I figured that because my body no longer defaults to one of a 20-something year-old Adonis, it was worth going hell for leather on the crunches and back press ups, just to make sure I could vaguely hold my own. Obviously, I didn't warm up and obviously my body was in shock after the crazy work out. This should have been done over a period of weeks - not a mad power half hour. So by the time I hit the party my lower back was in all sorts of pain. Then, of course, I chose the only natural remedy - drink through it. And drink hard. And so it was I found myself post-party drifting home from a random club we headed onto, with the sound of morning song in my ear and the morning sun in my eyes. The knock on effect of all that, of course, was a Saturday in ruins and a Sunday shaped by the five stages of grief.

I'm not saying that I'm in line for a sainthood anytime soon but the daily discipline of 'little and often' has been good at moving me forward. Keeping me on the straight and narrow and not allowing myself to be too distracted. Okay, I might well have still been out to some ungodly hour, but had I kept my focus I may well have managed my night a bit better. And my back wouldn't be aching like hell now either...

Higher Ground

2011-07-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what you can find in hotel rooms these days. I was on holiday in the last couple of weeks and spent a few nights in a decent boutique hotel located in the lower Soho district of New York. I'm used to seeing a few cups and saucers for the spare tea bags provided, plus a travel sewing kit for those emergency moments. This hotel, though, also threw in a few books in the rooms if you found time to read - and not even a Gideon Bible amongst them.

One book I couldn't put down was Stephen Covey's 'First Things First'. In the past I've glanced through his '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' so I was aware of his approach to personal development. But I have to say I was quite taken by this hotel find (which was just as well as the jetlag was quite brutal) and I spent plenty of time thumbing through it. Once I returned home I purchased the book. A quote that Covey lifted from George Bernard Shaw really works for me:

"This is the true joy in life...being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one...being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy...I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can."

The idea of living for a purpose higher than yourself may sound quite abstract but it's certainly an approach that will strip out some of the ego involved in personal development.

Chain Reaction

2011-07-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Karma. It makes so much sense to me. What comes around goes around. Cynics would question whether it can be empircally proven or whether there's any scientific basis for it to exist. It's a spiritual principle but some might say "Where's the proof?". My view is: Who cares? It's a standard to live life by and a way of being that acknowledges the lives of those other than your own. And that's all I've really got to say about that...

Let It Be

2011-06-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes friendships or relationships aren't meant to work on paper. It might be because it's a collision of two dyametrically opposed worlds, value systems or cultures. Maybe there's an age gap. Maybe you're an extrovert and they're an introvert. Maybe you're introspective and spiritual and they're highest priority in life is the next episode of the a soap opera or the next incarnation of a brand of shoes. It's classic Hollywood buddy movie stuff or the two lead characters in a romcom that are so different but finally get together before the end credits roll.

Personally, I've experienced all of this in recent years with a few friends and a girlfriend. On occasion it has been frustrating - "why can't you see the world through my prism?", kind of way. Other times, I find myself thinking - "wow, you've surprised/inspired me in a very good way."

There's no template for these things, and as long as there's mutual respect and understanding it's amazing what dynamics work. That's something I continue to learn and certainly I've unravelled a lot of my more rigid thinking over the years. Yes, there's plenty of ego behind it all. And I'm sure some of these individuals would be wondering why on earth I'm sitting here on a Friday morning dissecting and writing about such a subject. No need to analyse and discuss - whatever works, works, they'd say (and have said). So I'm going to (try to) continue to accept how dynamics can play out rather than instinctively refer to some manual on how friendships and relationships are supposed to be shaped. Just let it be.

Lose Yourself

2011-06-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

One concept I've tried to ingrain into my being in recent years is to get away from the idea of 'searching' - for meaning, for answers, for peace and so on. Searching, to me, suggests a needy quality of 'absence' or 'lack of' which you're looking to fill with external factors; where you will only be happy if you get a complete answer. I've preferred the concept of 'finding' - like an exciting voyage of discovery - where I am in control of what I choose to take on board. It can be a mismash of things and not a perfect suite.

That all said, I recently fell upon a comment on my sister's Facebook page, which had come from an article in the New York Times. It was all about losing yourself:

‎"Fulfillment is a byproduct of how people engage their tasks, and can’t be pursued directly. Most of us are egotistical and most are self-concerned most of the time, but it’s nonetheless true that life comes to a point only in those moments when the self dissolves into some task. The purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself."

I don't think there's any right or wrong to all this. Maybe it's all just semantics and maybe you can lose yourself and find yourself at the same time. My angle on 'finding' isn't especially about finding myself it's about finding 'stuff' that works for me - in a joyful positive way, not with a need to fill a gap. Ultimately, it's just about an attitude to life. It's got me thinking again...

The Sign

2011-06-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Once in a while there is a sign. Or rather, once in a while you are willing and open to interpret information received as a sign. And so it has been for me in recent weeks. I got talking to one of the guys at kung fu the other day. He wasn't that overweight before but in the last month or two it was very clear that he had lost a fair bit of weight. Coincidentally, we also use the same gym and as far as I could tell he seemed a bit of a gym bunny, always seeming to put the hours in.

So when I saw the dramatic weight change I asked him about it. He basically said that of late he had introduced a bit more intensity and discipline to his workout. And not only that, he actually had a strategy and structure behind it now rather than “playing at it”, as he put it. We’re all very good at faking it – pretending that we are working hard towards whatever goals we have set when we aren't really. Or if we are putting the effort in and it's not working, sometimes we're not willing to or are just too pig-headed to change strategy. It's got me thinking about my approach to development and hopefully with a tweak or two and a bit more effort I'll be able to push on.

So Long, Farewell

2011-05-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Last weekend an email went out from my school alumni association telling us all that my ex-headmaster had passed away. I'm not actually sure how old he was because through teenage eyes he already seemed quite old - and that was quite some time ago. Still, it came as a bit of a shock as you sometimes feel that certain people that exist in a bubble were just meant to live forever. At school he taught me A-Level History. I was fortunate enough to be awarded the course prize in both senior years and, ultimately, I went onto university to read History. So it's fair to say he had a bit of a bearing on my path into adulthood.

The thing is I don't actually think of him in the context of the course at all. In fact, he really wasn't that good a teacher. A bit rambly if I remember. But as a person he was just such a charismatic, warm, energetic and genuine kind of guy. Even when I bumped into him in the street many years after both he and I had departed the school, he still had so much to offer in terms of kind words, friendliness, advice and humour. And this whole episode got me thinking about a life coaching technique I know involving leaving a legacy. To set the scene, imagine you've just passed away (not a winning thought but roll with it). A friend stands up at a gathering to read a eulogy on you to all your other friends and family. What would you want your eulogy to say about the life you have led (winning character traits, achievements, people who have loved you, people you've loved)? Then think: What would it actually say if it were to be done truthfully now? A tad morbid, perhaps, but it does get you thinking about what kind of gift you're already giving to the world and the huge amount of other stuff and human potential that you could throw into the mix.

Nobody's perfect and I'm sure the headmaster had as many frailties as the next person. But I will remember him fondly based on what impression he left on me. So, thanks, for everything, Mr Thomson.

Remember The Time

2011-05-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

Another Monday, another annoying day. Well, I say annoying - it was just another frustrating day of being me. Can't do this, not good enough at that, don't know how to think creatively - Monday morning thinking for me. Sometimes I get caught up with all the negative noises that are part and parcel of being human. But on the way home from work I had my own mini epiphany:

"Of course I'm very capable and smart and insightful and interesting - I just need to read my blog."

And that's what I've been doing - reading my very own posts from the past. The clever bits, the silly bits, the funny bits, the inspired bits, the emotional bits. It's a simple thing, perhaps, but it's little things like this that can prove to me that I have got what it takes and I'm more than enough. I've shown it in the past and no doubt can prove it to myself again in the future.

Redemption Song

2011-05-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

As much as Tinseltown gets a bad rap for the amount of regurgitated, formulaic dross that gets served up on occasion at the cinema, there have been many movie moments that will continue to stand the test of time. One of my favourite films is the Shawshank Redemption, a wonderful movie about the human spirit. Having not seen it for a number of years I caught it again a few weeks ago. It's still great. One quote, though, from the Tim Robbins character still sticks out for me and in a way sums up life in general and not just life in a correctional facility:

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really - get busy living or get busy dying"

Too true.

Chapel Of Love

2011-04-27T16:43:00.001-07:00

I'm not a monarchist by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I've very often had a negative take on what the British royal family represents historically and in the present (in my eyes). That said, and putting aside the media hysteria, the upcoming wedding between Will and Kate does temper my view for now. For one thing, an event like this does provide a common (more cheerful) bond for the nation as a whole - something that's built out of the more positive than negative. And because I don't live in the UK these days it does fill me with a sense of pride in all that pomp and ceremony that the little island is still very good at throwing into a party. And, of course, we have to wish the happy twosome well - they are just another young couple starting new lives together, albeit very much in the public eye.

So, to Will and Kate, have a special day.

Living Years

2011-04-16T04:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading yesterday about the passing of the world’s oldest man, Walter Breuning. He lived to 114 years of age and clearly witnessed a great deal of change on earth. There may not be any magic formula for how to live your life but he certainly had some really interesting things to say about the secret behind his longevity:

- Embrace change, even when the change slaps you in the face. ("Every change is good.")
- Eat two meals a day ("That's all you need.")
- Work as long as you can ("That money's going to come in handy.")
- Help others ("The more you do for others, the better shape you're in.")
- A lesson Breuning said he learned from his grandfather: Accept death.
- He didn't regret anything, and he implored others to follow his philosophy.
- "Everybody says your mind is the most important thing about your body. Your mind and your body. You keep both busy, and by God you'll be here a long time."

This, I guess, represented his guiding principles or inner compass - what made him tick and what he was all about. I certainly can see value in a lot of what he said but it also made me think about what my own template for life is. The clearer it is to me and the more I embrace it, the more I'll be living a life that's true to me, however long that turns out to be. Thanks Walter.

The One And Only

2011-04-12T06:52:00.001-07:00

On a personal level, I think it's important to keep on learning and finding ways to expand my mind. And on the basis of this I attended a 'Modern Buddhism' talk and meditation this evening. Hosting the session was a young and spritely fellow, draped in traditional Buddhist robes but clearly representing the new guard.

I've dipped in and out of Buddhist teachings, some parts of which I could apply more easily than others. But the thing that stuck in my mind tonight was a question that the Buddhist said to ask ourselves in times of stress, anger, upset, insecurity etc. The question to ask is, "Am I the only one?". Am I the only one out there stressed at the moment? The only one angry? The only one upset? The answer is clearly "no". But not everyone has as much insight or support or awareness to deal with it as you.

It was partly about perspective but also about seeing yourself as another human being and connecting with that. Problems cause havoc when you keep viewing them along narrow personal terms. The broader the perspective, the more chance for a bit of peace.

Hungry Like The Wolf

2011-04-04T06:24:00.001-07:00

This time of year, every year I do a detox. I use the term detox loosely as I feel it's more a re-evaluation of the food and drink being consumed rather than some fashionable diet based on special pills or shakes. I went on a Tony Robbins personal development weekend about six years ago and learned the idea there, and have been implementing it twice a year ever since.

In a nutshell, it's no meat, dairy, caffeine, fried food, artificial sugars, alcohol and nicotine for anywhere between 10 and 20 days. In addition, over the course of the programme you're meant to do a minimum of 15 minutes cardio on at least 6 occasions. On top of that, you're supposed to avoid combining proteins with carbs and to have something like three-quarters of your meals based on fruit or veg - neither which I particularly adhere to as strictly these days. Finally, don't forget to have lots of water.

This detox is part of my calendar and friends and family have got used to it all. The first few times were definitely quite hard, as my diet was in hindsight pretty shocking back then and disciplining myself felt like a chore. But I realised even then that the body needs a rest from the toxins once and a while. The weight loss and the extra energy I found was quite dramatic, particularly as it took a while for me to want to fully go back to my old ways anyway.

My lifestyle has evolved - I drink less, don't smoke (well, rarely), hardly eat dairy, still have a sweet tooth but am more sensible, and generally eat more fruit and vegetables. I even have "no meat Mondays". Something that started out as a bit of an experiment has become part of me. I'm not perfect at it, and I know when I do fall off the wagon it can be with a mighty thud, but overall I think the process is adding more value to my life than taking away.

Holding Back The Years

2011-03-31T05:50:00.000-07:00

The whole "trust" thing has really got me thinking over the last few days. I even dug out a book I bought about five years ago entitled "Trust Yourself" by M.J. Ryan. Reading through it now for a second time after all this time it's actually pretty good reading and I would recommend it.

One thing that did come to mind is my habit for hoarding. I blame my mother. She always has been and always will be a hoarder. It's interesting dissecting the whole thing now and beyond the obvious issue of it creating clutter and a more distracted mind. Sometimes it's pure sentimentality. A lot of the hoarding, though, is done out of a "what if" principle. What if I need the three-year old statement sometime in the future, what if I ever decide to take up Spanish, what if flares ever come back into fashion....

My mother's hoarding seems to labour the final point. There are so many things kept in boxes and drawers that are simply no longer relevant. Had they been used and appreciated and then discarded in real time, then that's fair enough. I appreciate the need for keeping certain things for a rainy day, like money obviously. But some of us just hold onto stuff because we're too scared to let go, to take risks, to move on, to trust ourselves and the world that everything will be alright without it.

Simply by addressing this habit bit by bit I think I'm going to see some interesting changes on how I relate to my environment.

On And On

2011-03-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

As readers of this blog will know, I like to dabble with things. Tinker here, tinker there. Add something here, remove something there. It doesn't always show strong tangible benefits but generally I think I’m heading in the right direction by doing / being something.

One thing that I’m looking to develop more, though, is trust. I was listening to an old guided mediation podcast the other day and although I'd listened to it a few times before, this time I heard a new insight. The commentary mentioned that finding peace is all about trust – trusting yourself, trusting your environment, trusting the universe. Essentially, by trusting more, you get more peace.

One of my favourite phrases is “it's better to sweat in peacetime than bleed in war”. So during all those quieter periods in life when I don't actually think I'm making progress, or am losing the will to repeat the much-repeated, I need to trust in the bigger picture and what is working behind the scenes. My efforts are not being wasted. This is fundamental. Preparing the self for whatever life throws.

Stop

2011-03-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

We all procrastinate. It could be down to our decision-making style, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s perfectionism (which to me is just a version of fear), maybe you just place the topic further down your list of to-dos. Plenty of reasons. But we all do it.

What I’m realising more and more in one of those “statement of the very obvious” moments is that once I’ve addressed the issue being procrastinated over it opens up more clarity and opportunities. For me, things that linger can just gnaw away. Sometimes you tolerate it but it’s still eating away somewhere.

I realise energy is important for me - once I have it then comes the momentum. My procrastination has no energy. Actually, it does have some but it's all negative - too often a lot of effort is simply spent on procrastinating, which doesn't help. So all I've got to do is improve my pain / risk threshold, focus on what's important to me and a little less procrastination should lead to a lot better results.

Control

2011-03-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about a comment I heard many years ago from the great English footballer, Sir Bobby Charlton. A journalist was asking him about his excellent record when taking penalty kicks. The conversation went something like:

Journalist: So, Sir Bobby, when you used to take penalties were you ever worried that you'd miss?

Sir Bobby: No, I used to hit the ball as hard as I could and let the goalkeeper do the worrying!

It did get me thinking about the idea of controlling the controllable. We all do a fair bit of worrying about what other people are thinking about us and the like. Sometimes we just need to focus on what's ours to control and be the best we can in that context.

State of Independence

2011-03-09T06:32:00.000-08:00

I've been on quite a roll of late in terms of getting things done and working towards goals. I've managed to build up a bit of momentum thanks to a bit more discipline on my part and applying an array of skills and techniques that I've amassed over time in notebooks.

But I had a bit of an enlightening moment at today's kung fun lesson when practicing a sequence of moves. I had learned the moves in question over the last few years and know some like second nature. And yet all too often in recent months I've found myself caught up in the soundtrack inside my head - failure/success/right/wrong/good/bad etc - that doesn't make for a balanced focused experience. Today my instructor could see that I was getting a bit lost in the fog in my head and simply said to put myself in a relaxed and present state, own the space and forget about trying too hard. It worked.

To me it's akin to simply "being" rather than trying hard to do this or do that. You are commencing from the right centred and balanced position. Start from the "being" state first and gradually work towards the "doing". We are, after all, "human beings" and not "human doings".

Too Good To Be Forgotten

2011-03-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love YouTube. All those so easily forgotten memories have been brought back to life thanks to the beauty of the worldwide web.

And for some reason a really random song came to mind, from the deepest depths of my younger years: Too Good To Be Forgotten.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHpWX9EkhOk

Yes, it's dated and oh so cheesy but it did bring a smile to my face on a Friday afternoon.

Golden Brown

2011-02-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what you can find on the internet to get you thinking and, hopefully, take you to the next level. I fell upon a TED lecture by Brene Brown, an academic researcher, that discusses the concept of vulnerability and "being enough". It's a great piece - if you get the chance to watch it all, give it a go. It may well expand your perception.

Keep On Believing

2011-02-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

I love 'Glee'. It's fun, cheeky, irreverent, poignant and just bursting full of talent. I'm going to talk about my thoughts on the TV programme in more detail another time but there was an interesting comment made in an episode I watched recently.

It was an episode which discussed religion, faith and belief systems and one of the characters, Kurt Hummel, was having a crisis in this space - he simply wanted to block that world out.

It's not for me to say what people should or shouldn't believe in but I liked what Kurt's friend, Mercedes Jones, said. To paraphrase, she felt that we've all got to believe in something - something you can’t just taste, touch or see. We're bigger than that. The idea of believing in something that can't be measured, that shows that we exist beyond the tangible information put in front of our face. Maybe it's just about trusting in something good.

The Year of The Cat

2011-02-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

Kung Hei Fat Choi! Or at least that's the Happy Chinese New Year that Cantonese speakers worldwide will be embracing.

It's been quite interesting reading the stir that excerpts from 'Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mom' have engendered. This is the book written by Amy Chua, Yale law professor and self-described "tiger mother". Amy was born and raised in the US but was given what she terms as traditional "Chinese parenting". It is a form of authoritarian parenthood that she has used on her own daughters that is quite shocking to some observers: never accepting a grade lower than an A, insisting on hours of maths and spelling drills and violin and piano practice of up to six hours each day until they got pieces right, calling her daughter "garbage" when she acted disrespectfully, and not allowing television or computer games or even school plays.

The backlash has been very vocal. Critics in the US call her a "monster" and ask "where is the love, the acceptance?". Amy insists that she is doing it out of love, positioning her children for the "tough world", where Western/US parenting creates weak-willed children less geared towards hard work, with less focus.

I think Amy's approach is certainly an extreme one and not one that encourages the development of free-spirited individuals. But I have to say, having lived in both Asian and a US cultures, I do see some things I want to glean from it. I'm looking at it more from the angle of focus and discipline, keeping the eye on the prize, repetition and practice to achieve goals, praising hard work rather than simple success, better utilisation of time and so on.

Her tone and approach may have a lot to be desired but a less extreme version has its merits and we'll see whether this is reflected in more of an the economic shift from West to East in coming decades. In hindsight (and it is pure hindsight), I kind of wish that I'd been given more of a push at different times in my life.

So as we enter the Chinese year of the rabbit, it's worth thinking about some of the messages from the "big cat mothers" - a bit more focus and diligence could make this your year as well.

The Work Song

2011-01-25T05:49:00.000-08:00

This month seems to be flying by! I've just been so busy being so busy in recent weeks. So busy in fact that I haven't had a chance to play with my blog.

So it seems apt that the inspirational comments that came over my email today was as follows:

"Are we there yet? How often do you find yourself anxious to get 'there'? Are you over focused on the destination? How about enjoying the journey and not just the destination."

Time to enjoy.

It Only Takes A Minute

2011-01-15T03:46:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a fascinating book called ‘59 Seconds’. In a nutshell it packages itself as a personal development book with a difference. It bases its wisdom and insights on scientifically-underpinned results. These are simple ideas that can be learned within a minute (hence the name). Social psychologists are always doing tests on something and this book aims to synthesize the outcomes of all kinds of experiments on human lab rats. And interesting stuff it is too.

I’ve read a lot of development books in my time and I've often wondered how much of the advice is the genuine article or simply old wives tales, half truths or simply regurgitated stuff that people kind of believe is true without even testing the water. Yes, you can still question causation and coincidence with some of the experiments outlined in this book but it did get me thinking.

One of the tests revolved around how children behaved when they are given the option of getting instant reward in the form of a chocolate or accepting a better reward in the form of two chocolates. The theory is that some want gratification now rather than to wait for something that will turn out to be better. A bird in the hand types to some degree. The research behind the tests suggests that those that show more patience have tended to be more successful over their lives. Naturally, it got me thinking about how I've lived my life. Too often I've had a need to get results in the now, which has provided my ‘sugar rush’ but hasn’t had a lasting impact. Playing the long game has not always been a strong suit. But the boffins have a view on balancing up the instant fix with the benefits of playing the long game. I’m definitely being more conscious about thinking and shaping ahead. It's not too late to plan for tomorrow.

Only You

2011-01-11T05:12:00.000-08:00

I was walking down the street when I heard the old Platters song 'Only You' belting out of a shop doorway. It's one of those oldies but goodies you rarely hear, even on old school radio. But here it was talking to me. I say talkin to me as I was having one of those early year, post-resolution-setting moments of aaaggghhh!!!

The day's gym effort had been pretty feeble even in the context of recent less than stellar efforts. The plan to push on with more life coaching had hit invisible speed bumps. My guitar heroics hadn't quite turned me into the next Eric Clapton. And, quite frankly, I was getting nowhere fast really. I always had excuses. It was the weather, the water, the whatever. And then I heard the song and remembered it was all down to me:

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you

Cool.

The Boxer

2011-01-08T01:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I heard the sad news of the tragic passing of ex-British heavyweight boxing champion Gary Mason. He was only 48 years old.

His was a story of a man with so much unfulfilled potential who didn't quite get the luck he deserved. As British champion he fought in a unification bout with the then European champion, Lennox Lewis. At the time Gary had an unblemished fighting record and was favourite to win against the relative upstart. It was winner takes all - and little did we know how this was to play out. Lennox won the fight by technical knockout and never looked back. Because of eye injury Gary's career started to wind down, despite him never losing again. 37 victories, 34 of which were by knockout, and that one solitary defeat. Quite a boxing career.

Why do I have such an interest in him? He was my next-door neighbour in South London for a number of years when I was growing up. That, and the fact he was genuinely a very generous, humble, articulate and decent guy. And with a smile on his face. I still remember setting off early every morning to do my paper round only to see him already putting the hard graft into his training. He was committed. He tried.

After his career ended he tried his hand at a number of ventures - I still remember his "Punch and Jewellery" shop. If the initiative didn't work out, and more often than not it didn't, he'd try something else. And so he continued. But still with a smile on his face and with a positive expectation out of life. I've flicked through quite a few tributes over the internet - some knew him, some had just been inspired by him. He wasn't part of the badaaass, gangsta heavyweight merry-go-round that served some boxers; nor did he play pantomine dame for public adulation. He was just good at what he did and let that do the talking.

He could have been more than a contender (and had he being plying his trade today there would be no doubt. But he was sandwiched between the Frank Bruno and Lennox Lewis eras. It just wasn't to be.

So farewell, big man. Keep that laughing large and loud wherever you are.

Begin The Beguine

2011-01-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

It's that time of year again - fresh promise, new inspirations and bold aspirations. Everything is possible over 2011... Okay, we've all been here before. In fact, it only seems like so many of us were having these thoughts about 12 months ago - and it didn't quite pan out as planned... Regardless of previous efforts, once in a while we still need to be able to re-set our dial to point us in a direction we feel is right for us.

Personally, I like to think that this could take place at any given time within the year, rather than package it in the hype and pressures of New Year resolutions. But an unexamined life isn't worth living (or something like that), so any calendar mechanism that allows us to re-think how and why we you are doing what we are doing can only be a good thing, particularly if it helps us to undertake positive change.

I'm taking on a few more focused goals for 2011, including making more out of this blog. Hopefully some of you will join me on the journey this year - or join me with my dance, as a "beguine" apparently is.

Hopefully we can all start the year as we mean to go on...

Last Christmas

2010-12-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

I was just musing about the song 'Last Christmas' and I had a quick thought. What did I write in the blog about my feelings about Christmas a year ago? I went back and had a look. I guess it's not really plagiarising if you simply lift your own writing, although it could be seen as being a tad lazy. But I actually quite like the mood of what I wrote back then so I'm taking the easy route and putting it down again:

"Not long to go now. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t care what your religious predilection is or the fact that the holiday season is really the shopping season for many. Bottom line is the season stands for “good”. Not hatred, or anger, or retribution or all the many other meanie moods that just happen to pop up every day of the year. And it’s not as if we don’t see hurt and bloodshed and tears at Christmas. Because we do. But it’s what the time represents that’s important. You can’t help but expect some people to try to poo poo things like love and happiness and good. And you may not even be in the festive mood. But just remember this: it all comes out of a sense of goodwill to everyone."

I still believe the same now. Merry Christmas to you all.

Please don't stop the music

2010-12-15T04:16:00.000-08:00

I’m a little bit peeved with myself at the moment. I can’t find my iPod. It’s not anything to do with the cost of replacement - the main reason I want it is because of Christmas. Over the years I had downloaded various Crimbo tunes, some mainstream, others a little obscure, all with memories. But for the moment, at least, they’ve gone. I’m only now slowly getting into the spirit of what is still a wonderful time of the year. Some of the best songs ever written were written for this season. I'm sure I'll get a proper fix over the next week. In the meantime, I’m now finding myself spending more time in shops listening to what they churn out... I enjoy getting sentimental once in a while. But more comments on the joys of Christmas soon.

Back in the USSR

2010-12-03T06:39:00.000-08:00

As an Englishman, albeit one that isn't actually living in the country at the moment, I was desperate for the nation to win the chance to host the 2018 Football World Cup. Imagine that - sometime in the future being able to watch some of the greats of the game on your doorstep. As it turned out, England fell short and the organising committee stumped for Russia. Despite my allegiances and the shrinking chance of being able to say “I saw it in my lifetime”, I'm sure the Russians will put on a great show.

I often view sport as a good vehicle for peeling back the layers of what’s going on around us. Yesterday's news did get me thinking about how the world is constantly changing, even if a lot of us haven't quite woken up to the new reality. If I were to think back 20-odd years I would have been hard pressed to imagine two closed Communist states (one of which was still part of the wider confederation of the USSR), a developing country best known for its favela gun crime and samba, and a country still trapped in an apartheid regime, being given the chance to host the two biggest sporting events on the planet. But China, Russia, Brazil and South Africa have just been, or sometime in the next eight years going to be, the setting of the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Brazil have admittedly already hosted a World Cup before – but getting the chance to do it again and the Olympics as well?! Throw in the fact that India has just hosted a Commonwealth Games and Qatar won the 2022 World Cup bid and you get a sense of changes in our lifetime. This isn’t an economics piece on the shift from old world to emerging world; it’s just an observation of what we can expect in the future. Embrace it and don't get left behind.

Shine

2010-11-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

I fell upon a wonderful quote from 'A Course in Miracles', though apparently is often misattributed to Nelson Mandela:

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Very cool.

Thank you for the days

2010-11-24T06:59:00.000-08:00

Returning to my recent conversation with my friend and coaching subject, Kate, she came up with a very interesting conclusion. We talked about the fact that we, living where we are, having three-square meals a day and more, a decent disposal income, good health, great friends and exciting experiences, are extraordinarily lucky. Extraordinarily so really because we don’t have any divine right to such opportunities bestowed upon us in our lives. A different outcome of the throw of the celestial dice and we could have ended up in a slum in the poorest part of India, or could have been scavenging for food and shelter in sub-sarahan Africa.

We are very lucky. It’s that simple. And we should be grateful for it. And the way Kate viewed it was that not only should we be grateful for it and be willing to give back, we also owe it to those less fortunate to live our own lives more fully – otherwise we're just wasting the gift that we've been given. Obviously, we can always find something to moan or stress about in our day-to-day lives but in the bigger scheme of things we've got to honour and celebrate what we've got. Happy Thanksgiving.

Get up, stand up

2010-11-22T06:16:00.000-08:00

I went on a public speaking course today. It was a refresher to one I attended about a year ago. The funny thing about it was that although I so often see myself as a poor presenter, it actually made me realise I'm not so bad after all. Don't get me wrong, I have my fair dose of nerves and jitters that we all get - everyone from President Obama all the way through to your best friend at a baby shower. But I'm finally mastering better ways to control the fears rather than letting the fears control me.

Interestingly enough, I was talking to one of the other attendees and she mentioned a friend of hers runs stand-up comedy workshops. It's an area I've never ever ever ever had any interest in at all but today for some reason it piqued my interest. In fact, it even energised me into thinking about it. Maybe I was just in that zone. I don't see myself as the funniest man in town. Far from. But if I were to do such a course I'm sure that would be a real step up in the public speaking stakes - if you can handle that you can handle anything.

The next workshop isn't until January and there's every chance that after a good night's sleep I'll have a dose of second thoughts. But at least, for now, it does make me wonder what any of us can discover if we dip our toes into those unchartered territories that have out of the blue made an impression on us.

Say, say, say

2010-11-15T05:31:00.001-08:00

Every day we find ourselves having all kinds of conversations with all kinds of people. Sometimes they're deeply profound, sometimes they're pure templated small talk, sometimes they're just a shopping list of aches, pains and TV trivia. And a much of the time we're able to simply forget we've even had such conversations.

Well, the other day I bumped into a friend of mine, Kate. Some months ago I completed a part-time Executive Diploma in Corporate Coaching, and as part of my ongoing process of fine-tuning what I had learned I happily provided sessions for friends for a small fee of a glass of vino afterwards. "Wine 2 Whine" I called my sessions. Quite catchy I thought. Anyway, the last time I properly chatted with Kate was during one of these meet ups.

During our session we discussed a few work issues she had. The next day I got a polite thankyou email and we left it at that. So running into her at the weekend was quite refreshing when she said that something in our conversation had got her thinking a lot and she'd started to see and apply a few things differently. So much so that when she heard her brother was being overwhelmed by his own issues, she found a way to plant a similar idea in his mind to take action. He did. And he's much happier.

I'm not saying I've got all the answers, far from it, but Kate did find a grain of value in our discussion and paid it forward to her brother. It's true that our conversation was in the context of coaching, but in the bigger scheme of the world imagine what good could be done if we were all consciously offering a positive message that could be passed on to others.

Memories

2010-11-04T07:01:00.001-07:00

I was reading the other day about the demise of the Sony Walkman, the trailblazer for playing personalised portable music. When I was growing up I didn't really have the kind of funds to go as high-brow as that so I tended to end up with some cheap knock off from the local market that used four AA batteries rather than two - always a tell-tale sign. Back in the day, I used to religiously tape directly off the radio, trying to ensure that my 'mix tape' wasn't too badly interupted by commercials or inconsiderate DJs.

Well, a few weeks ago I was trawling through my brother's attic and I fell upon some of the tapes that I had put together all those years ago in the late 1980s or 1990s. It was a bit of jolt to the system. Did I really like some of that stuff? But it was songs and sounds that immediately and joyfully brought back memories that had been too easily buried beneath years of work, conformity and cynicism. Were they better days? Probably not. But it didn't really matter. The tapes threw into the mix so many vivid stories, good and less good. The fact that I was able to laugh at some of the more unfortunate memories just showed me that time really can be the great healer.

What's the name of the game?

2010-11-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

One thing that I know that definitely works for me is momentum. Throw in some energy and a bit of excitement and I’m away. Now, getting me to the start line, that’s been an issue. Inertia takes hold like a warm cosy blanket on a dark winter’s night. Why should I expend energy when this is so much easier? I'm so easily distracted.

Well, I’ve discovered that one thing I like is to play games. A kid at heart, that’s me. And with that in mind I’ve been trying to reframe a few things in my daily existence as a game or mini competition. And wham, bam it's got me engaged.

On a simple level I play my 10 minute rush around game. I get home from work and soon as I'm able I set the timer on my iPhone. I then rush around trying to "sort things out". It’s got harder the more I’ve done it, even more so since I have a cleaner. But it’s amazing what you find stored away that you have just shoved away and forgotten. It’s all part of the declutter process and it's actually quite exciting. I now set myself challenges and time trials for all sorts of things. It’s the first of a few ploys I’m looking to use to trick me out of my stupor. Game on.

Holiday

2010-10-24T22:17:00.001-07:00

Today's just one of those days - the Monday after two weeks out of the office and within hours it feels that you haven't been away. The emails have mounted up, the old rhythm kicks in and it makes you wonder whether it was worth it. Well, in reality you know it was worth it. Those hours of complete and utter contentment I experienced last week are something I'd like to be able bottle and use in those more trying times. As I haven't quite mastered that skill yet I realise that I've got to make more of what's in front of me. To be honest, work isn't so bad - it's just a game I've got to get better at playing. I need to ride on the parts of my day I actually quite like and just roll with the rest. I guess that's what life's about anyway. Plus, holidays aren't always a bed of roses - there's so much added pressure to have a good time. And there are only so many pina coladas a man can take...

Everybody was kung fu fighting

2010-10-07T07:37:00.001-07:00

I guess I'm in a space of increased awareness, for want of a better phrase, as I'm more and more often finding ways to associate random day-to-day existence with the essence of spirituality. Then again, I might just be good at shoe-horning the irrelevant into a story that suits my purpose. I like to think the former, but I would say that wouldn't I...?

Yesterday, though, I did have a moment of clarity at a kung fu class. The basis of Wing Chun is more than simply learning to be a more imitation of Bruce Lee, the best-known proponent of this form of kung fu. It's very much about working with a centred and relaxed version of yourself. I've been cutting my teeth, so to speak, for a couple of years now but I still instinctively kick into real world behaviour. I tense up. I focus on the elements in front of me rather than the wider story around me. I get stuck in my head thinking about what I think ought to be done, without being balanced and letting it exist in the outside world and just flow. As my instructor said, "Find the balance." Be connected in a less judgemental, less analytical, more engaged way. It was a classic moment of cogruence between mind, body and soul - all on the same page. Wing Chun by its nature tries to encourage that. But in our own random day-to-day existences I'm sure we can all find those moments when it happens to us. It just helps to be a bit more aware at times.

Smile

2010-10-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

I was watching an episode of 'Glee' the other night (which, I must say, is a brilliantly fun show), when the cast kicked into a rendition of the song 'Smile', made famous by everyone from Charlie Chaplin to Nat King Cole to Michael Jackson. I hadn't heard the song for years but just hearing it stirred something inside. It's just one of those songs I wish that I had written. The words, the melody, the emotion - it's just beautiful. So I thought I'd just put down a few lines of the song, which speak for themselves. Beautiful, just beautiful:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Daylight

2010-09-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

It’s so incredibly easy to be distracted. One minute you’ve got a great idea for a blog entry, the next you’re sucked into a bit of reality TV. A bit of reality TV you’ve already seen, at that. And before you know it a whole week has gone by and the blog idea has disappeared somewhere into the ether. As simple as that. And that’s where I find myself. But it is interesting as to how easily I find my attention shifted onto something else. Sometimes it has a bit of value, a lot of the time it most certainly does not.

The reason this got my thinking again was because I fell upon a piece by a guy called Harvey Mackay entitled, “Stay Focused On The Big Picture.” The basic principle is ‘the person that is everywhere is nowhere’. Decide what’s important and focus on it. Too many goals, objectives, distractions, questions etc etc. Focus on the issue at hand and cut everything out. If I may, I’ll borrow a golfing story that Harvey quoted in his article about Arnold Palmer. The golfing legend recalled a tough lesson he learned about focus:

'It was the final hole of the 1961 Masters tournament, and I had a one-stroke lead and had just hit a very satisfying tee shot. I felt I was in pretty good shape. As I approached my ball, I saw an old friend standing at the edge of the gallery. He motioned me over, stuck out his hand and said, "Congratulations." I took his hand and shook it, but as soon as I did, I knew I had lost my focus. On my next two shots, I hit the ball into a sand trap, then put it over the edge of the green. I missed a putt and lost the Masters. You don't forget a mistake like that; you just learn from it and become determined that you will never do that again. Trust me, your friends will understand!'

It’s unlikely that most of our lives will consist of a golfing major but even on the most basic level there's definitely to be taken from that. Knowing what to do is one thing. Focusing and getting it done is entirely another.

Lady (hear me tonight)

2010-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

Having recently picked up an Oprah magazine in my local supermarket, I accidentally followed that up by buying a montly mag entitled 'Psychologies'. I say "accidentally" as I thought it was an academic work rather than a woman's magazine. I guess the picture of Julia Roberts on the front should have been a bit of a giveaway, though I must confess I was happy to be seduced by it.

But the interesting thing about the mag is that it's really quite a nice take on personal development. It's tag is "Know More, Grow More", which pretty much sums up where it's coming from. Yes, it tackles some of the usual ideas you'll see in women's mags but it also talks about streamling your life, confidence, developing your curiosity, the spirit and so on. I can honestly say that I found a few nuggets that I could use. It's another example of the need to not limit our sources of inspiration - in this case it came from Julia Roberts....

God bless the child

2010-09-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through the 'Financial Times' the other day when I fell upon a piece by one of the paper's columnists, Lucy Kellaway. The article was a light-hearted look at things that CEOs and toddlers have in common. Nothwithstanding the less positive commonalities like the "lack of common sense" and "issues with listening", some of the ideas did make me think, particularly in the context of we, the individual, running our lives as businesses. The positive traits of CEOs and toddlers that came to mind were: 1) Both are full of energy and enthusiasm; 2) Both are natural risk-takers; 3) Both are persistent; 4) Both are inquisitive - they will not be fobbed off with a stock reply; 5) Both are creative; 6) Both have great interpersonal skills; 7) Both are assertive and very good at saying no; 8) Both are good at making decisions.

The list is probably endless, as any analogy can be if you choose to extrapolate enough. But it did make me think that all those years of instruction and shaping and 'evolution' have actually taken me further away from some of the qualities I'm actually looking for now...

Genie in a bottle

2010-09-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love Oprah. I've never actually sat down and watched a full edition of her programme but I know that the essence of the Oprah experience is to do good for others. Yes, she's made more money than I'll ever see over a good few lifetimes, but I don't begrudge that, particularly as a large slice of it is being redirected towards good causes.

Anyway, I was having one of those supermarket shopping experiences where you pick up random things to give it a try, when I fell upon Oprah's magazine. It's not my norm to pick up women's magazines but there's no real reason why I shouldn't - if there's value, there's value. So I stuck one into my basket and took it home.

The tag line of the mag is "Live Your Best Life", which to me was a good enough reason to give it a go. A flicked through and fell upon an article talking about charisma, that intangible seductive characteristic that allows individuals to stand out in the crowd. Although I still think it's hard to pinpoint magic ingredients, the article did highlight some interest theories. According to some eminent individual, charisma is made up of three things: 1) expressiveness (a talent for striking up conversations and conveying feelings; 2) control (an ability to fine-tune your persona to suit situations); 3) sensitivity (a gift for listening and sussing out others' mindsets). In a nutshell, it's the art of communication and connection.

And the best thing about it all is that individuals aren't necessarily born that way - they can be made. It might seem a little false and shallow, and it's true that if you're not being genuine or authentic then the facade will fall apart at the seams like a cheap nylon suit. But growing into your character, that intrigues me. Who can forget how Princess Diana was when she was introduced to the world as this shy Lady Diana individual with all the confidence of a young Bambi? She developed a charisma as she threw off her shell. Yes, circumstance did force her to but in my opinion she stayed true to herself. Anyway, I'm committing to working on my charisma - as random and ethereal as that may sound. To me, it's simply focusing my energies more on what genuinely interests me - people and development. It beats spending my time with another DVD box set. Thanks, Oprah.

Fairground

2010-09-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

Back on the “woe is me” tip, a lot of time you hear people saying “life’s unfair”. Maybe I’m being a bit naive and rose-tinted about some things but I tend to try and view that big realm called "life" as whatever you make it out to be. Yes, it's simplistic but that’s the way I see it. What you choose to believe is true enough.

The reason it came to mind was an analogy I read. It talked about life being up and down but it’s really for the individual to enjoy the ride, rather than resisting it and wasting the moment. There's no point in trying to control it, simply control yourself. As the piece put it “life is a funfair” – that has so much more charm than viewing life as unfair….

Let it be

2010-09-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

Falling upon one of my favourite websites, I found the line “I have manifested this because I like it.” It wasn’t talking about achieving some beautiful and wonderfully long-held dream. On the contrary - it was all about the crap that is in our lives that we choose to take on board because we get some weird kick out of it. It’s the old ‘devil you know’ syndrome. It takes some gumption and a fair bit of discipline but if you really wanted to change your perception of any given situation you can. But saying that it's so much easier to be the victim, or the struggler, or over-worked, or the unloved, or the put upon, or the… And it goes on.

There are so many individuals out there that set a shining example for the rest of us. Sure, it's still not all a bed of roses for them. But just thinking about the likes of Nick Vujicic (www.attitudeisaltitude.com) makes me think sometimes I need to suck it up and get on with it. If you manage to take a deep breath and go head on against the 'comfort' of feeling crap, as it were, you might actually surprise yourself. Get aware. As ever.

Leader of the pack

2010-08-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

I’m at peace that I’ll never be CEO of General Electric or a President at Disney. Sure, the free invitations to film premieres would be nice, the private jet whizzing you around the world would be cool, and the gold name plate above your river view office and incessant fawning of staff might even be quite entertaining for a while. But sometimes you know it’s just not what you’re all about. There’s a trade off with all these so called perks and if you’re just not wired for that world then that’s a lot of misdirected energy you’re expending trying to get there.

I was at dinner the other night and one of my friends mentioned that having been made boss of her team on an interim basis it wasn’t actually as much fun as she had hoped it would be. She’s a creative thinker, a journalist to be precise, and she found the bureaucracy and man management that comes with the role was preventing her from doing what she was good at and enjoyed – writing. Similarly, an email went round at work today telling us that a team leader had requested to step down from his role so that he could focus on what he liked best – servicing clients. Not all of us are cut out to be top dog or have that inner drive to be so. It’s become more and more apparent to me what I like and what I don’t like, regardless of what everyone else thinks I should or could be doing. We all need something to shoot for, otherwise the merry-go-round could get quite tedious, but as long as it's in keeping with what you're all about. I'm comfortable with that.

Human nature

2010-08-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

I was walking around the supermarket a few weeks ago when I bumped into a friend, Olivia. I've known her a few years now and she comes across as a party-loving, red-blooded Australian that works in sales. Her basket was filled with various meats, taco shells and an assortment of less than dainty foods. We chatted about a new butcher she had discovered that did decent cuts of meat that could be thrown onto the "barbie", before we went on our respective ways. I thought nothing of it all until about a week later when I noticed a posting of hers on Facebook. She had set up a side business making cupcakes for all manner of occasions.

Looking at her exquisite and funky designs I was so impressed by this creative streak that I'd never seen and it just showed firstly how little I knew about her or her passions, but also reflected the prejudices I was happy to pander to. Maybe some of it was down to a persona that Olivia had created. I'm not sure yet. But at the same I'm sure many people have an impression of me that isn't really "me". We're all like that. Pretending to be, for want of a better phrase, for so long does become second nature but also has its limitations - it can hide some of our natural vulnerabilities and some of the really interesting bits. For example, I've written over 100 songs but it took me years before I showed any to anyone. The challenge for me is to provide a more honest and open image gilded by as little ego as possible. I can but try.

Think

2010-08-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

I went to watch the film ‘Inception’ yesterday. I must say it’s pretty crazy. Brilliant at times but still a little left-field and crazy. Without ruining the story for those yet to see it, a couple of central premises revolve around the concept of planting an idea inside your head and the grey area between what’s real and what’s imagined. My dreams tend not to have Leonardo DiCaprio running around in them but the film did get me thinking about how ideas come to us, how deeply some of them resonate with us and how much we are able to consciously control.

There’s a lot to be said about pondering how we think, from the perspective of being a little more conscious about it all. It makes me want to immerse myself and connect a lot more into all the realities I try to project for myself, even if I can lose focus (and not that there’s a film worth making about my world, to be honest). ‘Inception’ admittedly dances around a lot more weird and wonderful places but it’s nice to come out of a movie theatre and actually find yourself thinking on a slightly deeper level to when you walked in.

I'll do it all again

2010-08-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

I've had one of those weeks, I guess. In a good way. You know when you've been thinking about doing something and before you know it 10 years have passed you by. Well, a couple of situations were addressed in recent days. I can be the master procrastinator, but once in a while I just think "to hell with it" and just get on and do whatever I've been putting off. So I bought a flute.

I don't entirely know why I did but it was something just gnawing away at me in the last year or two. Admittedly, I learned to play one between the ages of about 11 and 13 but I wasn't really that good at it. My excuse at the time was that I didn't like what I was being taught. Notwithstanding a clinical aversion towards regular practice, I think now that there was something to be said for that. Okay, the laziness element hasn't entirely been cured but at least now I can blow away to my heart's content on my own terms.

The other thing I did was get a tattoo. Just a small one, mind you, but it reflected something that I had for so long talked about but never gone through with. It's in the form of an insignia of the sun, and takes me back to the middish-90s when I first had the desire for such a symbol after meeting a girl while I was backpacking around Asia with a bigger and bolder version. But that's another story. The fact is I'm actually quite pleased with myself and my silly little whims. I didn't let the critical and negative voice inside sensibly talk me out of it. I would even pat myself on the back for what I've done, only it's still a little bit sore...

Count your blessings

2010-07-31T03:34:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was growing up being dragged kicking and screaming to my mum’s church. It tended to be quite a colourful affair. Lots of singing, plenty of animation and a fair bit of drama, if you ask me. There was a song at church that we used to sing once in a while entitled "Count Your Blessings". It was all about being grateful for what you had and what God had given you. I hadn't really thought about the song (or those Sundays for that matter) for some time, until I received a 'Thought for Today' in my inbox at work. Having signed up for the pleasure, these daily pick-me-ups come from those lovely people at www.innerspace.org.uk. Yesterday's went as follows:

"Even when you feel as though things aren't going well in your life, you have reasons to be grateful. Today, take time to appreciate the gift of life and all its wonders. Count your blessings and cherish what you have."

To the point and a powerful message.

Good vibrations

2010-07-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I went for a coffee with an old friend of mine that had just left our firm. He'd sent an "au revoir, see you somewhere, sometime" email to the main distribution list and then was kindly escorted off the premises so didn't get the chance to say proper farewells.

Fortunately, I completely randomly bumped into him (which given that we were based in two different countries was actually a surprise indeed). Anyway, over coffee he told me that he'd finally found the cajones to do something really exciting by going into a business partnership with two friends of his. It was brave, it was scary but it was all very exhilirating for him. I say "scary" but actually that was more the way I saw it than him. He was at complete peace and, as he put it, held no fear "for the first time in my life."

It was a very bold move and it's not the sort of thing that most of us could or would do. But one thing that did interest me was when he said it all started as an idea. "It only became a 'good' idea when I did something about it - otherwise it's just another plain old idea in my head. And we all have loads of those." His thinking kind of tied in with a blog entry I made fairly recently, which was all about giving legs to those internal reflections. I was once told that any new insight that doesn't lead to action to help the quality of your life is just a waste. My friend clearly went further along the line with his new concept but it does give me food for thought on so many levels.

Superstylin'

2010-07-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

It's sometimes easy to forget how effective the "little and often" approach to change can be. It's the "marathon and not a sprint" way of thinking; the "get rich slowly" as opposed to trying to quickly. I'd like to think I'm instilling the approach across my existence - admittedly, with varying levels of success.

Now, I'm not saying sartorial elegance is the be all and end all of the process but I was walking down the street the other day when I past a chap wearing the exact same polo shirt that I used to own some time ago. I think it was from H&M and I used to absolutely love wearing it. Too much I'd say in hindsight. By the time I peeled it off my back that final time it was way past its best days. But one day I consciously decided that it and a few other tatty garments had to go. It was time to upgrade everything around me. Seeing that guy in my top did give me a bit of a jolt but, at the same time, it did in some small way show me that I haven't been going round and round in circles making no effort to improve myself. Silly, perhaps, and hardly a goal-defining moment but it still brought a bit of a smile to my face.

Don't look back in anger

2010-07-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

A former colleague of mine passed away last week. It was a heart attack and all very sudden. One minute he was seeing off his wife and children as they went to visit family abroad, the next thing a few days later he was making a final taxi journey where he failed to reach his destination. We weren’t majorly close but we did sit opposite each other for a couple of years prior to him leaving the firm a year ago and I got to know him and his world. He may not have had the healthiest of lifestyles, smoking quite a lot and being a bit overweight, but he still was only in his mid-to-late forties. He even used to joke about my twice a year detox and salad lunches – “you’re going to live a very long and boring life. What’s the point?” he’d laugh. Whether or not there was any irony in it, in a perverse kind of way there was something to be said for his comment. He saw certain acts as depriving yourself of enjoyment, and regardless whether that should apply to living a healthier lifesty;e he certainly seemed to love life. A few years back he took a couple of years out and him and his family moved to New Zealand simply to experience a different reality.

Whenever these kind of events spring themselves I do tend to get a bit more reflective – “why?” and “what’s it all about?”, kind of stuff. It’s only natural to do so, or maybe more so in cultures and environments that focus more heavily on the earthly rewards over the heavenly. I read in a book once that one reason why individuals fear death is because they are not living a life that’s true to them – not living their “dream”, compromising too much, living falsely, living in the never-never and so on.

Whatever the raft of fix-it books might suggest, not everyone can take the big step to achieve some crazy long-held dream. Real-world conditioning tends to bite. And even if they do jump there really is no guarantee of success. We always hear about the success stories but, as they say, history is written by winners and not every attempt will be 'successful' in the way they originally perceived it. Some people just swap one type of unhappiness for another kind of misery. There's absolutely nothing wrong with chasing dreams (and in reality it's definitely desirable to have something to shoot for), but sometimes we really musn't forget about the many joyous things right in front of our noses.

Eye of the tiger

2010-07-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

There's a new instructor at the kung fu club I go to. Very laid back and every bit the identikit hippy. He speaks in a very soft but focused manner - you know when he speaks he's often got something worth listening to.

Today we were going through a bodily movement sequence, something which over the last couple of years I've done dozens upon dozens of times. As I came to a particular moment in the routine he noticed that I was not quite flowing as much as I should have been. He came over and said, "Now just get aware of everything around you. You're still in your head." I was so heavily focused on the internal workings of Wing Chun that I was getting a bit lost in my head. Overthinking, overanalysing and becoming detached from the reality around me.

On the way home from the class it got me thinking about a couple of previous blog entries, one that talked about "zooming out" and the other that discussed finding a balance between the internal and external realities. I realise now that I have a bit of a habit of getting lost in the fog of my thinking, analysis paralysis or simply drowning in the details of what's right in front of me. By doing all that I tend to lose sight of the need for a better connection and balance with the bigger picture. If I can get used to being more fully aware and live less in my head, I think I could be onto something very interesting indeed.

The love I lost

2010-06-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

I've just had one of those days. One of those with complete doubt for myself and my capabilities. I suppose I'm quite glad that I'm not in denial of one of my biggest weaknesses - self doubt at certain times. On the surface, I seem to ooze a certain air of assuredness, bordering on cockiness at times. And yet it's all too easy to expose my Achilles heel - speaking in public. It's not even necessarily 'public speaking', per se - talking in meetings, talking on the phone at work and, of course, presentations. Yes, it's definitely more common than you think but you can't tell me that when my throat is doing 'the strangle' and the palms start to sweat.

Thinking about it, I can think of a variety of times over the years that it's manifested itself - the end of year presentation at university, the knocking knees syndrome at junior school when standing in front of the school, a specific job interview (though I actually got the job). But thinking some more, it's also amazing how many times I've performed amazingly, and ultimately in the context of 'fun' rather than 'work' it often is a performance. That has given me something to chew on - I've done it before so I can do it again and again. I already have the formula, the experiences and the tools and all I have to do is be disciplined enough to apply them. Being more consistently in the right zone, with a dash of relaxation and a bit of self love thrown back in, that should do the trick. A bit more of doing what you know rather than just knowing what to do.

This blog entry is a bit of a stream of consciousness one today but I'm feeling better already. I'm glad I got it off my chest.

Ball of confusion

2010-06-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

Back on the World Cup tip, I was having a thought about the ball they're using.

What I find quite interesting is just how many players from the various teams competing seem to really hate the weight/flight/design of the ball. Quite a number of people think it's no good. But not Adidas. No, they say the ball is perfectly fine. The best ball ever - etc etc etc. I can't say that I've ever reached a pinnacle much beyond 'jumpers for goalposts' in the local park, but from the way I see it if the people it’s intended for say the product is rubbish then, well, it must be rubbish, whatever the maker would like to suggest.

Obviously, from a commercial perspective they'd never admit that they got it a bit wrong. But in a world where it's always good to see people accept when they've obviously made a mistake, it's just a shame when they choose to try to convince us otherwise.

I'm so excited

2010-06-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

Every four years Planet Football completes a full rotation on its axis. Yes, it's the football (or soccer, if you will) World Cup! Along with winning an Olympic gold, one of my earliest ever dreams in life was to play international football and win on the biggest stage possible. Well, I guess Usain Bolt has got the next Olympics covered so I guess that leaves me with the footie....

Actually, having taken thousands of turns in life that took me away from being anywhere close to achieving that goal, I look forward to watching from an armchair or in a pub those guys that had always dreamed about playing in the tournament and had now reached the highest of the high in their sport. In sporting terms, I'm way too long in the tooth to even take up competitive tiddly winks but such sporting occasions still touch me at the deepest level. It doesn't matter what sport, really. I've seen 300lbs grown men cry as they show off their Super Bowl rings, having achieved something that their 10,000 plus hours of hard dedication had taken them to. Brilliant.

And as I watch England gloriously win/lose/draw perched as I am in a faraway land, I'll also know that as one of the two gold-standard true global sporting events, peoples and nations everywhere will be crying, cheering and tutting together as a family. I just love it. It's what dreams are made of.

Move on up

2010-06-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

Back in the day I tried to be an incredibly responsible individual at university and signed up for a computing course to accompany my main course of study. An ‘Introduction to Computing’ course, to be more precise. Now this was in an era when simply turning on a computer and actually getting it to do anything for you really was a science. I figured back then that this computing lark might be quite a useful tool to have in the future. As it turned out, this was my supplementary course in my first term of my first year at university, and quite frankly Tuesday morning lectures after a very late night at the regular student night at the Black Orchid nightclub really didn't go hand in hand. And because I’d often miss the Tuesdays, I figured the Thursdays weren’t really worth attending either. Somehow I managed to bumble my way through the coursework, thanks to my friend Fiona who for some reason was far more reliable than myself. And, of course, my very generous tutor passed me with 40% - the pass mark was 40% and I took note of the polite inference.

It’s amazing where we are now, some 20-odd years on from those less techno days. One irony in all of this was that had I not done that course I might have done something that I genuinely had an interest in - Art History, for example; something by its nature wouldn’t have changed a whole heap to this day. And looking back, I wish I’d done something like that, something I’d actually liked rather than signed up for something that I thought I ought to do. Okay, I was young and little did I know that everyone would be walking and talking down the street with a computer in their hands all these years down the line. But, intrinsically, the field was never my bag. Hopefully, these days I’m learning to be a bit more true to myself.

Smoke gets in your eyes

2010-06-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

I recently finished a part-time Executive Diploma in Corporate Coaching. As you may be able to tell from my blog, I've always had an interest in transformational thinking and personal advancement so I figured that a 5-month course telling me more about life coaching and the ilk would be money well spent. And indeed it was. Since completion I've done a few coaching sessions with friends, trying out some of the techniques that I took on board and ultimately with one eye on doing it as a part-time venture and, eventually, something to do in retirement (which, truth be told, is a long, long way away but still useful skills to have in reserve).

Anyway, one approach that I continue to use on the people I'm coaching, as well as myself in everyday life, is "zooming out". In a nutshell, it's all about getting some perspective on the stuff, the noise, the fog that seems to be grinding you down or you see is your main issue. It's all about taking a step back and getting some perspective, rather than getting into the nitty-gritty detail of the "he said, she said" storyline. By zooming out, I've been able to often get a much clearer picture about what's really going on. You step away from the blame game and the excuses, blow the smoke away what's just obscuring your vision and basically see your reality in a clearer manner.

Three's the magic number

2010-05-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how easy it is to get overwhelmed by best intentions. I'm a greater planner, amazing list maker and totally cutting-edge dreamer. Man of execution? Not so good...It's as if I've got way too many brilliant ideas on how to improve the way I make a smoothie or refine a press-up or work my finances out. So I've taken on board the art of simplifying things in life. In order to get a bit more focus, I've just got to cut back on a lot of the great strategies that are just proving to be a distraction. They can just wait.

So what I've been trying out over the last few weeks is the 'Rule of 3'. I think I fell upon the concept in a book or on the internet some time ago. Basically, it's all about keeping things a bit more bite-sized. Rather than write a list that goes on for ever, just target three things that you want to accomplish or at least attack today. I'm sure you can think of a thousand other things that you want to be doing but by at least getting those three things out of the way you know you've been making progress.

And it's certainly been working for me.

Push it

2010-05-10T07:40:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how time flies when you're really not doing anything of any worth at all. Earlier today at work I was writing a(nother) list of things that I really, really must sort out and realised that I'd been having these same thoughts only last week. And the week before. Etc. And it's not as if I don't want to get some of these things done but...Well, to be honest I probably don't really want to get some of these things done. But I NEED to get some of these things done.

And so here we are today looking for inspiration for getting on with stuff. A few things did come to mind, though, when I was procrastinating earlier. Firstly, doing, doing and doing again really doesn't necessarily get you anywhere soon. You're always doing something simply to complete it and never really enjoying it. So it's time to do a bit more of this "being" bit that the gurus keeping guiding us towards. Busy for busy sake isn't very healthy. On the same tip, I was thinking that by "being" more I could actually find a way to make the chores and tasks more interesting and entertaining. Put the "fun" into "functional", and all that. And by making the process more like play I can then appreciate the discipline required more as a skill that you develop and augment over time.

Well, this is all very stream of consciousness as you might or might or not have guessed. Bottom line is I know that there are things I want/need to do and I have to push myself in a way that works best for me. Okay, back now to tidying my spare room with some Marvin Gaye to sing along to in the background.

The look of love

2010-04-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

I was watching one of those makeover programmes the other day. You know the type - Joe Bloggs or Jane Doe has a negative self image of themselves which ultimately limits their ability to see their true potential. The episode in question was about a woman that ran a slimming club, having in the past lost something like 80lbs in weight. In front of club members she carried herself well, being the embodiment of what you could achieve if you put your mind to it. And yet she still had deep-rooted body issues. She was regularly putting on a performance for club members when in reality she held herself in such low self esteem.

Suffice to say she managed to be suitably inspired during the programme to re-wire the way she saw the world and felt far more comfortable about who she really was. And it got me thinking. You occasionally hear stories about celebrities that seem to have everything that anyone could desire and yet they are desperately unhappy or lonely or lost. They experience the human condition as much as the next person and yet are elevated by others to be a bit more than the rest of us. But they are just like the rest of us. Yet it's amazing how much we project ourselves into the realms of other peoples' worlds wishing, hoping and all that to be just like them. If only we planted our own feet more firmly on the floor, took in the view, enjoyed the journey and kept ourselves with ourselves.

It really is easier said than done and, yes, it's a sweeping statement but as I've said before: comparison really is the mother of all misery.

Yesterday once more

2010-04-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, my little dalliance in ‘Facebook stalking’ (it’s not actually stalking but you know what I mean) opened a small can of worms and got me thinking about other girlfriends from the past. For some reason I started thinking about Rachel. She seemed to tick so many boxes – beauty, simply lovely deep down, very coincidentally went to school with my best female friend and loved some of the obscure left-field grooves that I was into at the time. And if that wasn’t enough she also taught at my old school (after I’d left, of course). We looked like a lovely twosome, if I do say so myself. Hot to trot. Talk about a match made in heaven. And yet it wasn’t quite.

At the time, it didn’t work for her and she pulled the plug. And in hindsight I’m glad she saw it in good time. We were kind of like your fake Louis Vuitton purse - it seemed great from a distance but up close and personal you could see it wasn’t real and only served a purpose. Life throws up one or two of those type of situations from time to time, in various guises. Like those: “would we really be friends if we weren’t homesick and thousands of miles away from home?” or “is this really me or am I just doing this because everyone else is or thinks I should be?” Sometimes it’s unclear but sometimes, deep down, you just know. You know what is really you. As for Rachel, she was a lovely girl. Shame she’s not on Facebook…

Yesterday

2010-04-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

Used in the right way, Facebook is a brilliant innovation. For me, it’s a way of staying in contact with friends and family living on distant shores without the need of having to put pen to paper (though I must confess there's something special about receiving a handwritten letter, rare as they are now). It’s a great way of staying connected and having a window into friends' worlds and vice versa.

And then, of course, there’s the other side. I found myself indulging in something I didn’t really think I was about – Facebook stalking. Snooping is one thing but going a little deeper is something else. Okay, for some context: it was a boring Sunday night, there was nothing decent on TV so I clicked onto Facebook to skim through a few friends’ pages. While browsing through one friend’s profile, I fell upon a name from the past that had commented on his page. It wasn’t so much the name itself but the name I associated with the name. The comment was basically from a woman called Jo, a friend of an ex-girlfriend of mine. I hadn’t seen or heard from this ex since the heady days of the mid-90s. But having seen Jo's comment I thought “to hell with it” and started digging.

Before long I found myself scanning through some of Jo’s photos (she had kindly not limited access to her pictures which enabled random strangers like myself to view them). It did feel kind of creepy snooping in this way - I hadn’t been invited as a “friend”, Jo probably wouldn’t even remember me from Adam, I didn't even know whether they were friends and, heaven forbid, what would she think if she found out. But there I was looking through her photos, her family events and her memories in search of something vague on a distant ex of mine. And without having to dig through too many holiday pics and bithday parties photos, et voila - there she was. The first picture of the ex I discovered her new surname. The second, her new baby.

Yes, it was a little bizarre. But what surprised me most was my general reaction. Okay, the memories started streaming back about a female that I had fallen head over heels for during a fairly fleeting but intense few months. I had thought a number of times over the years about where she was now, what she was doing with her life and what I would say if we ever bumped into each other. And now 21st century technology had given me a window in. But looking at the pictures was an eye opener. She looked exactly the same now as she did back then. Still cute, still elfin, still with that cheeky glint in her eyes. But, strangely, I couldn’t actually recognise her. Or, more is the point, I couldn’t recognise myself. I couldn't recognise or connect with the feelings of the past. There was no skip of a heart beat, no long deep breaths, no pining. It was just a picture of a pretty girl that I once knew. And I wish her the best. I'm glad I found the pictures. Thanks Facebook...

That's what friends are for

2010-03-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

It's odd how our lives evolve. One minute you're a gangly teen running headless around a rugby pitch, freezing your extremities off in shorts big enough to fit your dad (and in the knowledge that you're meant to grow into them), and the next minute your sitting in a warm rugby stadium with two of your old team mates decades later many pounds, miles and realities away from those halycon days in south London. And so it was that three great school friends living on three different continents met up at the world famous sporting event, the Hong Kong Rugby Sevens tournament. The event (a seven-man version of the sport) is the biggest of its kind in the world - a festival of noise, colour, partying, the coming together of cultures and, of course, top-class rugby over a weekend. I would heartily recommend the occasion, though clearly it suits a certain disposition.

I'd been to the event a number of times before and it's a great occasion for making new friends, some fleeting, some a bit more lasting. But this time around it was about friendships that had stood the test of time and distance. We have all moved on a fair bit in our lives and loves. And wherever any of us is the world, there's at least the knowledge that there's a certain connection still going strong out there. So here's to friendship! And it was great to see that I was wearing better than they were, which is always nice....

I dream a dream

2010-03-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

I went to dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine, doing our periodic catching up session. We always have a decent chat about life and she’s always an interested and interesting individual – very bright, quite driven and always seems to know where’s she’s at. For all my moments of insight, I can be a bit flaky or lacking in confidence to push on, so it’s always nice to hear her version of the world. The interesting situation this time, however, was that my friend had recently had a few realisations. She left a job she really liked a few years back as she felt that she should be going further and faster up the ladder. So she took time out to do an MBA. Following this she managed to find her perfect job working for a development agency. On top of that she met and fell in love with a guy that ticked all the right boxes.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always march in a straight line. She told me that her perfect job had sadly not lived up to expectations. Or to put it another way, she absolutely hated it - the hours were awful, the bureaucracy was excessive, the business focus was all out of kilter, the people were a complete waste of time. At the same time as this disillusionment with work, her boyfriend of four years decided that he didn’t feel it was working for him – he was a bit younger than her, he was still finding his feet and they were in different places. You know the story.

She's had time to adjust to the new reality – dreams can come true but they don’t always turn out the way you expect. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to dream. It just means we have to adapt sometimes. Time for Plan B.

Somewhere over the rainbow

2010-03-11T06:49:00.001-08:00

I've been doing this blog thing for a while now and it only just came to me that I haven't got into the habit of putting on photos with my comments. Admittedly, some of it was down to pure techno-ignorance. Something so simple was something so beyond me. Anyway, it was time for a bit of trial and error. So I thought today, "Why not give it a go?". So here we are. And there's something I love about rainbows and that feeling of pureness in the air and regeneration. After the storm comes the rainbow to say that everything's okay again. I like that.

Trouble sleeping

2010-03-08T05:27:00.001-08:00

So a week on from my "21 days to become absolutely fabulous" and I've kind of hit a few bumps in the road. I had a friend's surprise birthday party on Saturday night, which was pretty good only it went a bit too into Sunday morning for it to have been adding much value. I rolled into bed at goodness knows what hour knowing that my Sunday night sleep would also be a write off. Sure enough, after a full day of the living dead I couldn't get to sleep that evening. At one point I thought about one of those "take the edge off" night caps to help me doze - or to extend my weekend, I wasn't entirely sure. But I thought better of it, what with it giving the impression of a more deep-rooted alcohol dependency issue...

Anyway, having had a few crazy dreams and random bouts of night angst ("damn, I didn't send that email on Friday", type of nonsense), I woke ready to crawl back into bed for another eight hours. Suffice to say today wasn't the greatest work day for me, and had it not been for a presentation I had to prepare for tomorrow, my duvet would have got its wish. So what did the whole thing teach me? Stuff happens basically. Yes, I could show more discipline along the way but at the same time I know that there are some days I'm off the charts with transformational momentum. So I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I trust myself enough to know that I'll have some incredible moments over the next few weeks. Anyway, I've another couple of parties this Saturday....

All I wanna do

2010-03-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

Just like the next man or woman, I have down days. I’ve read books on positive thinking, been on the seminars and would have bought the T-shirt if I thought it would have done some good. But human nature still does tend to kick in and the last few days have been a bit rocky. It hasn’t been anything major, simply a crisis of confidence - lack of confidence in my ability to do my work to the proper level, lack of confidence in my goal setting ability and motivations, and just one of those overall general funks, really.

Since November I’ve been doing a part-time Life Coaching/Executive Coaching diploma – twice a week and 120 hours in total, plus four assignments. Sitting through yesterday’s class I found a bit of inspiration in a theory, and it is only a theory, that lasting change can be implemented over 21 days of continuous application of a new habit. I don’t know the science of it all and it was only a passing comment that wasn’t dwelled on, to be fair, but I decided that today I would put in place a 21-day process to elevate myself above where I was yesterday. Stirring stuff and a little big in many ways. Anyway, I started brainstorming today as to what to be thinking and doing, and basically how to “be”. A lot of the usual concepts came to mind and I gave them a nodding acknowledgement. But what really energised me, and actually surprised me, was my spin on the “Just Do It” principle. I simply noted down “F*** It” - pretty crude in a prosaic kind of way. But for me it connected with my “no more pussyfooting around” mindset – grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and a spin on the great universal question: “so what?” (i.e. stop worrying, as everything is just small stuff). And I’m very much of the opinion whatever works, works. Hopefully, it’ll kick start and kick arse these 21 days – I’ll let you know….

Lucky Star

2010-02-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

I was chatting in the office to a woman that sits right behind me about day-to-day stuff and she mentioned that she’d seen on the news testimonies relating to the Toyota acceleration pedal problem. I must confess I’ve been going through a “low news” phase of effectively avoiding most television news programmes and less in the way of the printed word, simply because there’s a lot of unnecessary noise that comes with it all. Still, I was very much aware of this hot topic though missed the testimonies in question. My work colleague told me how she had been touched by the story of a woman who had been driving along when the car wouldn’t stop accelerating. The lady in question thought she was going to die and phoned her husband, aware that he was helpless to do anything but just wanted to hear his voice just one last time. Thankfully, she survived to tell the tale but it was one of those wake up calls on the fleetingness of life.

In the course of our conversation, we then progressed onto 9/11, and specifically flight United Airlines Flight 93, the plane that was so bravely, but tragically, diverted by the passengers to avert a full-blown disaster. The thought of those final phone calls made to loved ones in the knowledge that they weren't coming back are still so haunting. But the added twist in our chat was that my colleague was not only visiting Washington DC for the very first time that week, but as she put it: “I still have the entry pass: ‘8.30 tour of the White House’” Had things turned out differently with United 93, she may not have been around to tell the tale. She said it has put an entirely new slant on her life and she keeps the entry pass as a reminder – to remember what’s important in life and what’s not. Hopefully, we don’t have to experience such wake-up calls before we live the life we want to live.

One night in Bangkok

2010-02-18T21:42:00.001-08:00

Bangkok does still have a reputation for the seedy, the salacious, the sinful. And to be honest, that’s all there if you’re looking for it. But at the same time if you are looking for a different type of experience it’s actually quite a cool place. Great cheap shopping, fantastic food and some top-notch bars. And it was at one of these bars on a recent trip I was fortunate enough to have there, that I got thinking.

We found ourselves at a bar-restaurant called Vertigo, on the roof of the plush Banyan Tree hotel and sixty one floors up. On a clear night like we had the view is breathtaking – a sea of lights and silhouetted buildings as far as the eye can see in every direction. The sky just felt huge and so all around us. And as we sat and took in a late night drink, I couldn’t stop thinking about how small everything was down there. Loads of lives living behind all those lights yet from where we were sitting it all seemed so distant and inconsequential. Being able to take a step back from it all made all the noise in my little head seem so small in the bigger scheme of things. It’s so easy to get lost in the fog of what is immediate and just around us and fail to fully appreciate a grander perspective. So if you ever get the chance to go to Bangkok, check out Vertigo for another view on life.

All you need is love

2010-02-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of the year again when husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, “lovers”, prospects and the hopeful get excited about that very special day. Ok, maybe it’s not all a ‘walking into the sunset Hollywood ending’ moment, but I’d like to think that beneath all the commercialism and ‘pressure to do what’s right’, people are at least thinking a bit more about that certain someone. Who knows, you may have read my blog a year ago and had an entirely different someone that time round. It doesn’t matter as far as I’m concerned. As long as the spirit of giving is there, that’s cool. We’re going to be lounging around a swimming pool in Bangkok, as one does, sipping all sorts of colourful fruit juices laced with a kick. It kind of works for me… So, spread a little love I say and put a smile on someone’s face.

And as it’s also Chinese New Year, Xin Nian Hao / Kung Hei Fat Choi/ 恭賀發財

After all, what the world needs now is love sweet love, as I like to say.

Money’s too tight to mention

2010-02-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

There's one thing that I'm really trying to get to grips with - money. It's not money, per se, as I have enough to eat, sleep and make merry, but I seem to find myself beating myself up over nothing at times. A case in point - I have a pretty tatty and rubbish mobile phone and have been thinking quite a lot about getting an iPhone or some other new-fangled smartphone. I can afford it and quite like the look of those kind of things. But I just can't quite dig into my pockets.

Without wanting to over-analyse the basis of this, I was brought up to be very aware of how I spent money. We didn't have much and knew how to make money stretch so to speak. I guess I developed a sense of the importance of value. To be fair, I'm quite good with money - I don't get enticed into spending by a nice window display or a bad mood. I tend to know how much I've got in the bank, where I can get discounts and when I should be investing. But I still don't think my relationship with money is as healthy as it could be. That's because I think I'm limited by fear. Fear that I'll need the money one day, perhaps. I can almost feel the caution overwhelming me everytime I go into a mobile phone shop. Very strange.

And being limited in such a way I kind of feel I'm symbolically doing the same for life generally. I don't have any great urge to splash incessantly, and I guess I'm reasonably generous towards others. Maybe I need to get it into my head that I can deserve some of the nicer things and damn the cost. I need to be a little more trusting that I'm actually pretty decent with money and always will be. I can't let this limit the need to upgrade things generally in life. Food for thought.

Relax

2010-02-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

I had one of those breakthrough moments today. I've been doing Wing Chun kung fu for about 18 months now and I go through moments of trying hard to really get it right. But, let's face it, Jackie Chan won't be losing any sleep over my performances. But today I stopped forcing myself to do things in a way that I felt I was meant to do things and just relaxed into it. Okay, the instructors have been telling me for months and months to just chill a bit more but today I actually couldn't be bothered to force things. And, voila, things felt so much easier. The focus was just on relaxing. That's a message for many things in life for me. I really must do what I'm told more often.

My favourite things

2010-01-26T16:05:00.000-08:00

Once in while I’m so in the zone it just feels bizarre. I see things I’m “meant” to see, hear things “intended” for me and just basically find all sorts of inspirations. And so it was today that I was suddenly thrown into this vortex. I guess that in recent weeks I’ve been trying to ask myself some of the powerful questions that the gurus suggest you should be asking yourself on a daily basis: “What’s my unique gift to the world?” or “What makes me happy”. Well, a few minutes of thinking about it earlier in the day and there I was in the gym, trying out the rowing machine, when out jumped the word “goal” ahead of me. I could see it written on a running machine to denote how much time had been used or calories burned. I just focused on the word.

And I don’t recall what music had been on my iPod prior to all of this but up popped the song “My Favourite Things”. It was a version of the song by Al Jarreau (it’s safe to say I don’t have much Julie Andrews in my collection) and all of a sudden I felt more aligned. Yes, it could all have been something about nothing and might not last long but at least for a little while things felt different. I simply remembered my favourite things then I didn’t feel so bad…

Words

2010-01-25T05:22:00.000-08:00

I always love reading inspirational writing. It gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling that just seems to come from nowhere. Let’s face it, they’re just words. No one has come up to me and given me a big old hug, handed me a winning lottery ticket or promised me that I wouldn’t age a single day from hereon in. But words of inspirational always add a certain something.

Sometimes they help me reframe my little old world into seeing it as a big and wonderful abundant universe. Sometimes they help me remember the great memories I had from another, more carefree time. I could go on. Bottom line is, for me, words of inspiration add value rather than subtract.

But then what? You’ve had the non-saccharine sugar rush and you’re flying higher than a kite. But what happens next? For me – and it won’t be the same for everyone – for the sensation to last a little longer I need to act upon it. I don't have to do anything big. It doesn’t necessarily need to be relevant to what I’ve just read. It just needs to be something that reinforces my mood. Anything that kind of reflects some gratitude for what I've just read really. And today having fallen upon some wonderful insights from Jim Rohn I was inspired to just get down some thoughts of my own. And here we are - actions speaking louder than words and all that.

Glad that I live am I

2010-01-16T03:27:00.000-08:00

You know those days when you can't get a song out of your head that you had heard earlier on the radio. Every time you get a bit of silence you just keep on getting that catchy chorus jingling between your ears. Well, imagine that the song that keeps on playing isn't one you've just heard but is in fact one you can safely say you haven't heard since you were about nine or ten years old. That kind of happened to me last week. I don't know where it came from or why it did but I recalled a ditty we used to sing in the school assembly: "Glad That I Live Am I".

I'm guessing I was having one of those really good days, where everything felt right with the world. We all have them, probably not often enough. But we all have them. And so it was the song just popped into my head and the words - that hadn't left me after all these years - seemed to make so much sense to me. It was a good day:

Glad that I live am I,
That the sky is blue.
Glad for the country lanes
And the fall of dew.

After the sun the rain,
After the rain the sun,
This is the way of life,
Til the work be done.

All that we need to do,
Be we low or high,
Is to see that we grow
Nearer the sky.

What the world needs now

2010-01-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

Well, there we have it. One whole year of blogging. It was only last January after months and months of umming and ahhing that I finally got round to putting something down. And what a fun experience it's been as well! Even writing it down and reading back months later is a learning experience for me. It's kind of like looking back at a thoughtful diary without the moany and stressy stuff.

Okay, I kind of messed up on the blog address and blog name - basically I was determined to have a Burt Bacharach moment but ended up using two song titles rather than a more sensible one title. Hence it juggles "What the world needs now..." and "Always something there to remind me" - which quite frankly are both cool ways at trying to look at life a bit differently.

So we're in 2010 now and I'm keen to keep evolving this page in the same vein and with the same spirit as it was originally intended - keeping the positive vibe. For those that have been reading it on occasion, many, many thanks and hopefully once in a while you've found something to make you stop and pause.

Anyway, off we go towards the next anniversary...

Perfect Year

2009-12-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are again. For me it’s been a year like any other – highs and lows and lots in between. I’d like to think I’ve moved on as a person over the 365 and in better shape for the next. But clearly 2009 has been another strange old year for a lot of us. My non-blogging alter ego works for ‘Evil Bank Plc’ and it's been an interesting time, even though I haven’t had and will never see the crazy sums the tabloids tie to the pantomime villain banker. But I shouldn’t and won’t complain about the broad brush applied to all in the financial industry because, let’s face it, a lot of people are in far worse positions due in no small part to the workings of the banking system.

It may have been an odd year but in reality most years are - it’s all about degrees and your personal perspective. It's never plain sailing. Over the last two years I've known some bereavements (the expected: old age; the unexpected: suicide and a car crash; the inbetween: illnesses). But I wouldn't say 2009 was fundamentally bad really. I've seen a lot of good amongst it all. And I'm sure loads had a great year - some estatically happy on their wedding day, some with their first child, some with their first love. And although the media will provide a historical dimension to all that's been before us, 2009 is just another year. In one of those decade in review moments there’s a lot of history rhyming, as Mark Twain would say. Ten years ago we were getting all in a tizzy about the Millennium bug. Now, we’ve got swine flu. We had mass shootings in Columbine ten years ago. We had mass shootings in Fort Hood this time. We mourned the passing of John Kennedy Jr. ten years ago; this year we had Uncle Ted. And so we could go on. The world keeps on turning.

But beneath it all we (or maybe I should just say "I") shouldn't stop being grateful for what's there, right here, right now. I’m still standing. I’m still in the game.

So I'd like to wish you all a blessed New Year and in the words of the song "Perfect Year":

Ring out the old
Ring in the new
A midnight wish
To share with you
Your lips are warm
My head is light
Were we alive before tonight?

I don't need a crowded ballroom
Everything I want is here
If you're with me
Next year will be
The perfect year

It's New Year's Eve and hopes are high
Dance one year in, kiss one goodbye
Another chance, another start
So many dreams to tease the heart

We don't need a crowded ballroom everything we need is here
And face to face we will embrace
The perfect year

What a wonderful world

2009-12-22T05:35:00.000-08:00

A slab of cheese and a heavy dose of schmaltz are par for the course at Christmas time. I’ve got to admit that the ending of films are brilliant at capturing a utopian ideal far removed from the stresses and strains of any Christmas that I’ve ever known. And I can’t say that I’m a great follower of the art form – the Christmas film art form, that is – but there are one or two that deserve a mention.

Okay, there’s “Love Actually”. I hated, absolutely hated, it with a passion, the first time I saw it, to the extent that I nearly walked out of the cinema. To this day I don’t know why it induced such an extreme emotion in me. Maybe it was the weather – having just spent over a year in Florida and too much time on the beach, the Odeon Holloway Road in North London was never going to cut the mustard on a bitterly grey December afternoon. Even Angelina Jolie wouldn’t have been able to shake me out of my mood (though I would have let her try hard). But over time, maybe in an effort to show my sensitive side to a young lady here or there, I decided to watch again. And before I knew it I was actually into the darn thing. And I still think it’s pretty cool.

Other than that there’s, well, “Die Hard”. Okay, it’s not a Christmas film in the conventional sense but it is set at Christmas. And Bruce is cool, so that’s alright by me. But the grande fromage of all Christmas films has to be “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I watched it again yesterday. I’ve probably seen it about 5 or 6 times now, I guess, but every time I see it the film leaves a warm and fuzzy feeling. The highs and lows of the human condition with James Stewart playing the lead. Exceptional. I’m no film critic but if you haven’t seen it yet and have 2 hours and 10 minutes to spare just watch it. "The Muppet Christmas Carol" it ain't. It’s a film for our time or any time. I'll spare you the Wikipedia moment and leave it to you to hunt it out but it’s one of my favourite films ever, Christmas or not. Wonderful.

Step into Christmas

2009-12-21T06:28:00.000-08:00

I came home from work expecting to see everything looking pretty pristine, clean and tidy. You see, today was cleaning day. In actual fact, Tuesday is normally the day my cleaner comes around - not too far after the weekend for a bit of washing to pile up, is my view. Only Monday morning she called just as I was about to depart to see whether she could pop in today. She's very efficient and does a mean job with the duster and iron. But when you get her on the phone, she doesn't half drone on a bit.

Maybe patience isn't one of my finest qualities at times but today the moment I saw her name pop up on the mobile, I knew the conversation was going to go on about 50% longer than it needed to. I say 'than it needed to' because I could see the floor numbers above the lift door slowly tick up outside my apartment - 10, 11, 12.... And I knew that my polite British reserve wasn't going to cut her off in mid flight. There was me hoping that either she'd suddenly stop or that the lift would take its time. Neither were having anything of it. As I politely tried to talk over her in the descending lift that she was likely to get cut off, she got cut off.

Anyway, back to my original theme. So I got back from work expecting to see everything looking pretty prestine, clean and tidy, and indeed it was. But there was also a neatly wrapped Christmas present waiting for me. As I placed my new gift under my mini yukka next to all of my other presents, I did start to think about the idea giving. I wouldn't have thought that my cleaner had a lot of spare cash to throw around willy nilly but somehow I had made it onto the radar. Had I planned to give her a gift? Maybe, sort of; no, not really.... It just hadn't really occurred to me. And I guess I hadn't really given her much credit for being a someone that's more than just a person that scrubs the inside of my bath or picks up odd socks from the floor or talks a lot on the phone. Is she a wife, a mother, a sibling? Does she like cats? Not a clue. I hadn't given it much thought - which is a bit of a shock, really, given that she knows what the colour is of my favourite underpants (purple). I think it's time to make a bit more of an effort.

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

2009-12-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

Not long to go now. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t care what your religious predilection is or the fact that the holiday season is really the shopping season for many. Bottom line is the season stands for “good”. Not hatred, or anger, or retribution or all the many other meanie moods that just happen to pop up every day of the year. And it’s not as if we don’t see hurt and bloodshed and tears at Christmas. Because we do. But it’s what the time represents that’s important. You can’t help but expect some people to try to poo poo things like love and happiness and good. And you may not even be in the festive mood. But just remember this: it all comes out of a sense of goodwill to everyone.

Man in the mirror

2009-12-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

It’s funny when you read about the various skills and tools available to you to “harvest your human potential”. How to reframe this. How to anchor that. How to visualise, strategise or empathise. There are so many ways to skin this cat it’s no wonder that some individuals get a bit lost in the forest – maybe less analysis paralysis and more solution pollution. Nonetheless, it’s worth noting what works for you and acknowledge any successes along the way.

I sometimes forget about how far I’ve come in the last few years - an allergy to relationships, an unhealthy and detached relationship with my estranged father, confidence concerns, inertia issues, direction dilemmas. I’ve had it all, just like the next man.

So fast forward to where I am now and it’s great to reflect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a bit of a work-in-progress but I need to celebrate where I’ve been and what I’ve achieved. Some of it’s been down to taking a few baby steps in the right direction, some of it has been about falling over and getting up again, some of it’s been good old-fashioned growing up. Regardless, what’s the use of achieving something if you’re not going to celebrate either the success or the journey itself? So I’m just going to take a step back and take it in for a while.