Lyin' Eyes

I was thinking again about Facebook, or rather social media in general. As much as many of us love to use the medium to tell the world about when we're happy or sad or hungry, it also gives everyone an insight into the real you. Or often the "you" that you are trying to project, even if it is slightly fast and loose on the facts and detail.

A school friend posted news on Facebook of him starting a new job as headmaster at a school in the west of England. In the midst of the back patting and congratulations, I fell upon a comment from one of his friends saying how much he had liked the photo and biography posted on the school website. Ever the curious one, I thought it was worth a look.

His bio did look pretty impressive. But as I sifted through the many achievements and successes, I felt a little put out by what he had recorded as sporting prowess at school. Oddly my memory serves me very well on the silly little things, and in the seven years we were at school together I'm certain he played no more than twice for a ragtag reserve team (as opposed to the 15-20 times I played each year for the senior teams). As for the rowing, I recall he coxed a couple of times for a junior team but that was it. At the end of the day, maybe it's a petty thing to pick up on. Strictly speaking it wasn't false - semantics and all that. But if you're going to put information like that out there, be ready to defend yourself, Mr L...
 

Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

I'm not really sure whether I should call Facebook a guilty pleasure. I've killed many days of precious human existence trawling through cartloads of pictures offering up brunches, boozing and banality, only to drag myself away feeling drained and deflated. I'd always assumed living vicariously would be quite exciting and liberating. Unfortunately, 'Faceboast' doesn't always offer the best filter system. Sometimes it's like sifting through the cutting room floor of a bad fly-on-the-wall documentary. You're living passively, and not the passive part of life you really care for.

But then there are the other times. Real world experiences. Stuff you might not hear about (or at least not for some time) without the power of social media. You lose touch on a personal basis, yet there's still a front row seat as their lives unfold. Four weddings and a funeral, a child is born, the godfather. All manner of things. These are the stories that keep me connected. I still plan to undertake periodic detoxes of social media (too much of a good thing, and all that), and I must be more discerning. But, at the end of the day, it's here to stay - so embrace it.

The Time of Your Life

So I'm just over a week into my twice-yearly detox - no meat, alcohol, dairy, sugar, caffeine and the like, plus a good dose of cardio. It tends to go on for anywhere between 10 days to 3 weeks, depending on my mood (though is likely to be closer to the latter this time around). Even though it can get a tad frustrating at times, I've done it so many times now, and my diet has ultimately moved on such a long way from my chocolate-bar-for-dessert lifestyle, that it's less of a challenge nowadays.

I try to add something new each time I do it - one detox I went to a Buddhist meditation session, another occasion I tried out colonic irrigation - simply to make it feel less like more of the same. This time around I've taken on a more holistic approach, trying to spring clean a number of areas of my life and get a bit more focus. I've detoxed the use Facebook, for example - the home of many a wasted hour. I've set myself the task to be in contact with at least two people I haven't been in touch with for over 6 months - one down, at least one to go so far. I've challenged myself to get my financial house in order by reviewing and redefining my financial plan. I've targeted finding something in my life to declutter and something to 'add value' every few days. I've challenged myself to choose a charity and decide on how to contribute. More daily meditation, implement time management areas, reconnect with family members, review my life areas, and so on it goes. Oh, and one aim was to write at least three blog pieces over three weeks - so two down one to go...

I may well have overstretched myself in terms of the list but that was part of the idea - to have some worthwhile areas to shoot for, to show some discipline and integrity and to make sure I'm on a path to address them. It's about looking at and focusing on what's important in life. The application isn't perfect but the intent is there. Time, like food, can be full of junk if you don't take a little bit of care.

Yesterday

Used in the right way, Facebook is a brilliant innovation. For me, it’s a way of staying in contact with friends and family living on distant shores without the need of having to put pen to paper (though I must confess there's something special about receiving a handwritten letter, rare as they are now). It’s a great way of staying connected and having a window into friends' worlds and vice versa.

And then, of course, there’s the other side. I found myself indulging in something I didn’t really think I was about – Facebook stalking. Snooping is one thing but going a little deeper is something else. Okay, for some context: it was a boring Sunday night, there was nothing decent on TV so I clicked onto Facebook to skim through a few friends’ pages. While browsing through one friend’s profile, I fell upon a name from the past that had commented on his page. It wasn’t so much the name itself but the name I associated with the name. The comment was basically from a woman called Jo, a friend of an ex-girlfriend of mine. I hadn’t seen or heard from this ex since the heady days of the mid-90s. But having seen Jo's comment I thought “to hell with it” and started digging.

Before long I found myself scanning through some of Jo’s photos (she had kindly not limited access to her pictures which enabled random strangers like myself to view them). It did feel kind of creepy snooping in this way - I hadn’t been invited as a “friend”, Jo probably wouldn’t even remember me from Adam, I didn't even know whether they were friends and, heaven forbid, what would she think if she found out. But there I was looking through her photos, her family events and her memories in search of something vague on a distant ex of mine. And without having to dig through too many holiday pics and bithday parties photos, et voila - there she was. The first picture of the ex I discovered her new surname. The second, her new baby.

Yes, it was a little bizarre. But what surprised me most was my general reaction. Okay, the memories started streaming back about a female that I had fallen head over heels for during a fairly fleeting but intense few months. I had thought a number of times over the years about where she was now, what she was doing with her life and what I would say if we ever bumped into each other. And now 21st century technology had given me a window in. But looking at the pictures was an eye opener. She looked exactly the same now as she did back then. Still cute, still elfin, still with that cheeky glint in her eyes. But, strangely, I couldn’t actually recognise her. Or, more is the point, I couldn’t recognise myself. I couldn't recognise or connect with the feelings of the past. There was no skip of a heart beat, no long deep breaths, no pining. It was just a picture of a pretty girl that I once knew. And I wish her the best. I'm glad I found the pictures. Thanks Facebook...