Monday, 25 June 2012

Safe From Harm

Last week I met up with my financial advisor for a periodic review of my portfolio. There were times in the past that booking a meeting with the guy felt akin to a visit to the dentist. There are some things in life you just prefer to put off as long as you can. Call it denial. Call it the ego of not wanting to hear the advice of someone with a far better insight than yourself. Admittedly, an earlier advisor I had proved to be way too  'sales pitch' and too little 'advice' that was relevant for me. But my current one seems to be happy to discuss, listen to my thoughts and give his input in return.

So when he started talking about life insurance and critical health cover I was slightly put out at first. I don't have any dependants, I've a bit of money saved, and my gym and kung fu memberships get a good workout. I'm okay, was my angle. But before I dismissed it all out of hand, I paused. I paused because I had a realisation. As much as we all like to think we're indestructible, we all have a 'best before' date. The occasional ache or pain that I've picked up in the gym, or simply from getting out of bed, tends to last a bit longer than they did a decade or two ago. I also didn't order the grey hair and receding hairline. The weight doesn't disappear as easily as it used to either. 

In a weird way, this isn't about whether or not I take out the insurance (and I'm still debating the pros and cons). It's more a realisation that time waits for no man. Sometimes you've just got to adapt with the times. I'm not the kid any more that my head tries to convince me I should be. I need to live with this and adjust as necessary. Equally, I may not be that youthful, energetic, bright-eyed innocent any longer, but the essence of that being must not be ignored even if the shell around it is showing a bit of wear and tear.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012


I had a bit of a revelation a few weeks ago. Many years ago I absolutely loved psychoanalysing myself. Well, maybe "loved" isn't quite the word. Rather, I just couldn't stop doing it. "Why am I this...Why do I do that"-kind of nonsense. Some of it was revelationary, some of it was just plain bad. Bad, bad, bad. None of it was really about the finer points in my personality. No, this period of self abuse, for want of a better phrase, was all about why I had messed up and why I would continue messing up.

I'm guessing this went on for years, going by some old diary entries I've tracked down. I can't remember when I stopped. But one day, I just did. Or rather, I no longer drifted to the darkest depths of my self criticism, but instead skated on the surface.

Anyway, my recent revelation was all about how my analysis of the self differs between then and now. Back then it was so very much coming from a space of doubt, of blame, of dislike. And while I do have those moments of "woe is me" I'm most definitely coming more from a position of acceptance and love. I know I mess up - but now I more often than not throw in "but don't we all". And I'm glad I do.