Tuesday, 22 June 2010

The love I lost

I've just had one of those days. One of those with complete doubt for myself and my capabilities. I suppose I'm quite glad that I'm not in denial of one of my biggest weaknesses - self doubt at certain times. On the surface, I seem to ooze a certain air of assuredness, bordering on cockiness at times. And yet it's all too easy to expose my Achilles heel - speaking in public. It's not even necessarily 'public speaking', per se - talking in meetings, talking on the phone at work and, of course, presentations. Yes, it's definitely more common than you think but you can't tell me that when my throat is doing 'the strangle' and the palms start to sweat.

Thinking about it, I can think of a variety of times over the years that it's manifested itself - the end of year presentation at university, the knocking knees syndrome at junior school when standing in front of the school, a specific job interview (though I actually got the job). But thinking some more, it's also amazing how many times I've performed amazingly, and ultimately in the context of 'fun' rather than 'work' it often is a performance. That has given me something to chew on - I've done it before so I can do it again and again. I already have the formula, the experiences and the tools and all I have to do is be disciplined enough to apply them. Being more consistently in the right zone, with a dash of relaxation and a bit of self love thrown back in, that should do the trick. A bit more of doing what you know rather than just knowing what to do.

This blog entry is a bit of a stream of consciousness one today but I'm feeling better already. I'm glad I got it off my chest.


  1. This is one of those "skills" I take for granted. Yet, even after seven years of teaching (five as a professional), I still get the first-day jitters. My degree and my role as an "expert" give me a bit of confidence, but the idea of having 20+ eyes on me in four to five different classes is still a bit daunting. By the second week, I get into a flow and the classes take on their own personalities, which makes it easier. I guess it's just one of those things that gets better the more one performs. Everyone has a weakness, just can't beat yourself up over it.

  2. Thanks, Tyrie. A bit more practice and a lot more calm about it all should put me on the right road.